Why is everyone playing Mahjong—and what makes this centuries-old game feel so relevant today? In this episode of Kiki Astor's Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki explores Mahjong's Chinese origins, its American reinvention, and the game's longstanding role in Jewish American social life. She considers why Mahjong is enjoying a modern revival, from the pleasure of an analog activity and tactile tiles to the friendships, rituals, and sense of belonging built around the table.

Kiki also shares practical Mahjong etiquette for beginners and hosts, including how to ask which version people play, welcome newcomers, handle wins and losses, and keep a game gracious and enjoyable. Along the way, she discusses Mahjong sets, accessories, the game's growing economy, cultural appreciation, women's leisure, and why a beautiful afternoon with friends matters more than expensive equipment.

SHOW NOTES

• The Mahjong craze: Kiki opens with the game's growing popularity, from leagues and clubs to lessons, retreats, tournaments, travel, and themed accessories.
• Why Mahjong appeals now: The game offers an in-person, screen-free way to spend time together, with shared rules and rituals that make conversation—and comfortable silence—feel natural.
• A brief history of Mahjong: Kiki discusses the game's 19th-century Chinese origins, the meaning associated with its name, and its spread to the United States.
• Many versions, not one: Chinese, Hong Kong, Japanese riichi, Taiwanese, and American Mahjong have different rules and conventions. Kiki recommends asking, "Which version do you play?"
• Mahjong in America: The episode covers the early-20th-century American craze, Joseph Babcock's role in promoting an American form, and the National Mah Jongg League's founding in 1937.
• Community and tradition: Kiki recognizes Mahjong's continuing importance in Jewish American communities and notes that for many families, it was never a newly discovered trend.
• The Mahjong table as a "third place": Regular games can help people build friendships, share news, form networks, and create traditions outside home and work.
• Cultural appreciation: Kiki encourages players to learn about Mahjong's Chinese origins and the communities that sustained it, stay open to different versions, and approach the game with curiosity rather than entitlement.
• The Mahjong economy: Sets, mats, racks, bags, lessons, clubs, private events, retreats, and charity games have become part of a growing marketplace around the game.
• Playing without overspending: Kiki says beginners can start with the essentials—tiles, a place to play, and people to play with—and reminds listeners that an expensive set cannot replace good company or good manners.
• Mahjong personalities: The table may include the gracious host, the eager beginner, the experienced player, the rules tyrant, the strategist, the improviser, and the competitor who struggles to lose gracefully.
• Mahjong etiquette for players: Ask which version is being played, say when you're a beginner, be mindful of the pace, arrive on time, put your phone away, handle the tiles carefully, and be gracious whether you win or lose.
• Hosting a Mahjong afternoon: Focus on compatible guests, comfortable seating, good lighting, simple refreshments, clear house rules, and a warm welcome for newcomers. Consider making the game regular and inviting people across generations.
• Social etiquette at the table: Avoid uninvited plus-ones, last-minute cancellations, gloating, sulking, and making private conversation public. If money is involved, agree on the stakes in advance.
• Leisure beyond achievement: Kiki reflects on the value of a hobby that doesn't need to earn money, improve a résumé, or become a personal brand.
• Kiki's Mahjong-inspired novel: She introduces An Exposed Hand, a Charleston-set romance featuring a menopausal Mahjong player, and mentions its upcoming release and pre-orders.
• Closing thought: The most luxurious part of Mahjong may not be the set, but the people who show up to play.

Ever wonder why a haunted mansion is only romantic if it has 160 rooms and a pedigree? In this episode, we dive into the creepy side of old money, exploring the fine line between architectural grandeur and historical horror. From the truth behind the Winchester Mystery House to the dark origins of stately Welsh castles and the tragic, inbred decline of the Spanish Habsburgs, Auntie Kiki examines why we are so fascinated by the unsettling histories of the ultra-wealthy. We also explore the royal secrets hidden by redacted letters and the deadly politics at Versailles, all while discussing the etiquette of dealing with family secrets and the reality of inheriting legacies that might be better left buried. It is time to uncover the true ghosts of history: secrets, control, and the uncomfortable origins of vast family wealth.

Show Notes

What makes a haunted house attractive? It turns out it is not just the ghosts, but the architecture, the status, and the mystery. Join Auntie Kiki as we walk through the strangest corridors of history to uncover the uncomfortable truths that wealth often tries to bury.

Key Topics Covered

The real story behind the Winchester Mystery House and why myths often outlast the facts.

Penrhyn Castle and the dark history of wealth built on the profit of enslaved labor and industrial strikes.

The tragic genetic consequences of the Spanish Habsburg dynasty and their obsession with bloodlines.

Historical cover-ups, including the mystery of the Princes in the Tower, the odyssey of Louis XVII's heart, and the identification of the Romanov remains.

The censored letters of Marie Antoinette and Count Axel von Fersen and the technology that revealed their intimate contents.

The Affair of the Poisons at the court of Louis XIV and the royal efforts to bury the testimony of the king's mistress.

The Gilded Age, Newport, and the sad reality of the Dollar Princesses who were traded for aristocratic titles.

Auntie Kiki's Etiquette Corner

How to be a gracious guest in a historic home (ask about stories, not deaths).

How to handle uncomfortable family history with grace, acknowledging the facts without resorting to performative guilt.

Practical advice for inheritance: have open conversations while everyone is alive, be sensitive to others, and operate on the assumption of getting nothing.

Tips for dealing with modern DNA surprises and the importance of keeping confidences.

Resources and Links

Explore Kiki Astor's books, including the Crème de la Crème and Dark Inheritance series, at kikiastor.com.

Discover more bookish curiosities at the Grey Salt Etsy shop by visiting kikiastor.com.

You've heard the old chestnut: "If you're poor, they'll call you crazy. If you're rich, you're eccentric."

Why is a woman wearing six layers of vintage lace in a crumbling estate called a "fascinating eccentric," while someone doing the same in a rented flat is just "strange"? In this episode, Auntie Kiki dives into the sociology of oddness. We explore why eccentricity is often treated as a status symbol reserved for the privileged, the role of cultural capital in shaping how our tastes are interpreted, and how to cultivate a "rich" life—full of personal curiosity and signature style—without needing an ancestral manor or a trust fund, and without going overboard. Get ready for the psychology, sociology, and old money anthropology of eccentricity.

• The "Permission" Factor: Eccentricity is often a luxury afforded by social and economic security. Those with status are often given the benefit of the doubt, while those without are expected to conform to avoid judgment or intervention.
• Cultural Capital as a Frame: Drawing on the theories of Pierre Bourdieu, Kiki explains that "taste" is often about knowing the history and context of your interests. When you can articulate the why behind your odd collection or habits, they become a point of view rather than mere clutter.
• Coherence vs. Chaos: Genuine eccentricity has "internal logic"—a thread that connects your interests. The most compelling eccentrics aren't just buying random things; they are curating a private mythology.
• Hospitable Individuality: Being eccentric should not be an excuse to be inconsiderate. True individuality respects boundaries and doesn't force others to be an unwilling audience to your private obsessions.
• The "Edit Rule": To maintain a refined personal world, apply the edit rule: for every new item or ritual you bring in, let one old thing go.

• The Beales of Grey Gardens: A case study in the high-wire act of theatrical self-invention and the paradox of the "fallen socialite."
• Doris Duke: An example of eccentricity fueled by deep study and curiosity (Shangri-La).
• Bunny Mellon: The art of "restrained" eccentricity through exacting standards.
• Diana Vreeland: Using conviction and vision to build a distinct personal power.
• Huguette Clark: A sobering reminder of the line between private interest and destructive isolation.

1. Follow the Rabbit Hole: Notice what you return to when no one is watching. What do you read, collect, or talk about without being asked? That recurring interest is your clue.
2. Build Knowledge Before Collections: Deepen your fascination by studying the history of your interest. Knowing the "why" gives you a story that others can appreciate.
3. Keep Some Pleasures Private: Not everything needs to be monetized, photographed, or explained on social media. Your inner life is for you.
4. Practice Hospitable Eccentricity: Share your passions, but avoid monologues. Ensure your home is comfortable for guests, not just a museum of your own design.
5. Develop a Signature: Choose one color, ritual, or detail that feels unmistakably yours.

• Kiki Astor's Books: Explore the worlds of Crème de la Crème (romance) and Dark Inheritance (gothic suspense) at kikiastor.com.
• Shop Grey Salt: Visit Kiki's Etsy shop for bookish curiosities and treasures inspired by her novels.
• Further Reading: Mentioned during the episode: Empty Mansions (a study on Huguette Clark).

Enjoyed the episode? Subscribe to Awkward Etiquette for your weekly dose of old money anthropology, sociology, and the manners you lack. Darling, you've got taste—let's make sure the world knows it.