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Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners

Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners

Di: Kiki Astor
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A proposito di questo titolo
 Welcome to "Awkward Etiquette with Kiki Astor" – the podcast where old money meets new manners, and your Auntie Kiki spills the tea on all things etiquette, with a side of laughter and a dash of aristocratic charm! Join the illustrious Kiki Astor, author of smutty romance novels and grande dame of decorum, as she tackles your most pressing etiquette questions with the finesse of a debutante twirling at a ball. Wondering about the historical roots of fork placement or the proper way to decline a social invitation without causing a scandal? Auntie Kiki has you covered, darling! In each episode, Kiki Astor delves into the archives of social graces, uncovering the hidden gems of bygone eras and bringing them into the 21st century with a wink and a nod. Learn how to curtsy with confidence, when to deploy the subtle art of shade, and why you should never, ever drop your pedigree papers, whether it's during a soirée, a cocktail party, or in the PTA or HOA meeting. From navigating the treacherous waters of modern technology to mastering the delicate dance of small talk, Kiki Astor is here to ensure you ascend the social ladder without stepping on any well-heeled toes. So, grab your monocle, straighten your tiara, and prepare for a delightful blend of refined advice and uproarious anecdotes that will have you laughing all the way to the gilded gates of high society. Subscribe now and embark on a journey through the annals of etiquette, where Kiki Astor transforms the socially awkward into the effortlessly elegant, one podcast episode at a time. After all, darling, why be gauche when you can be gloriously graceful? 🥂 #AwkwardEtiquette #KikiAstor #MannersMatter2023 Scienze sociali Successo personale Sviluppo personale
Episodi
  • The Real Ghosts of Old Money: Secrets, Scandals & Dark Inheritances

    The Real Ghosts of Old Money: Secrets, Scandals & Dark Inheritances
    Oct 26 2026

    Ever wonder why a haunted mansion is only romantic if it has 160 rooms and a pedigree? In this episode, we dive into the creepy side of old money, exploring the fine line between architectural grandeur and historical horror. From the truth behind the Winchester Mystery House to the dark origins of stately Welsh castles and the tragic, inbred decline of the Spanish Habsburgs, Auntie Kiki examines why we are so fascinated by the unsettling histories of the ultra-wealthy. We also explore the royal secrets hidden by redacted letters and the deadly politics at Versailles, all while discussing the etiquette of dealing with family secrets and the reality of inheriting legacies that might be better left buried. It is time to uncover the true ghosts of history: secrets, control, and the uncomfortable origins of vast family wealth.

    Show Notes

    What makes a haunted house attractive? It turns out it is not just the ghosts, but the architecture, the status, and the mystery. Join Auntie Kiki as we walk through the strangest corridors of history to uncover the uncomfortable truths that wealth often tries to bury.

    Key Topics Covered

    The real story behind the Winchester Mystery House and why myths often outlast the facts.

    Penrhyn Castle and the dark history of wealth built on the profit of enslaved labor and industrial strikes.

    The tragic genetic consequences of the Spanish Habsburg dynasty and their obsession with bloodlines.

    Historical cover-ups, including the mystery of the Princes in the Tower, the odyssey of Louis XVII's heart, and the identification of the Romanov remains.

    The censored letters of Marie Antoinette and Count Axel von Fersen and the technology that revealed their intimate contents.

    The Affair of the Poisons at the court of Louis XIV and the royal efforts to bury the testimony of the king's mistress.

    The Gilded Age, Newport, and the sad reality of the Dollar Princesses who were traded for aristocratic titles.

    Auntie Kiki's Etiquette Corner

    How to be a gracious guest in a historic home (ask about stories, not deaths).

    How to handle uncomfortable family history with grace, acknowledging the facts without resorting to performative guilt.

    Practical advice for inheritance: have open conversations while everyone is alive, be sensitive to others, and operate on the assumption of getting nothing.

    Tips for dealing with modern DNA surprises and the importance of keeping confidences.

    Resources and Links

    Explore Kiki Astor's books, including the Crème de la Crème and Dark Inheritance series, at kikiastor.com.

    Discover more bookish curiosities at the Grey Salt Etsy shop by visiting kikiastor.com.
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    1 ora e 4 min
  • Old Money, Grey Gardens, and the Status of Magnificent Eccentricity

    Old Money, Grey Gardens, and the Status of Magnificent Eccentricity
    Oct 19 2026

    You've heard the old chestnut: "If you're poor, they'll call you crazy. If you're rich, you're eccentric."

    Why is a woman wearing six layers of vintage lace in a crumbling estate called a "fascinating eccentric," while someone doing the same in a rented flat is just "strange"? In this episode, Auntie Kiki dives into the sociology of oddness. We explore why eccentricity is often treated as a status symbol reserved for the privileged, the role of cultural capital in shaping how our tastes are interpreted, and how to cultivate a "rich" life—full of personal curiosity and signature style—without needing an ancestral manor or a trust fund, and without going overboard. Get ready for the psychology, sociology, and old money anthropology of eccentricity.

    Key Takeaways
    • The "Permission" Factor: Eccentricity is often a luxury afforded by social and economic security. Those with status are often given the benefit of the doubt, while those without are expected to conform to avoid judgment or intervention.
    • Cultural Capital as a Frame: Drawing on the theories of Pierre Bourdieu, Kiki explains that "taste" is often about knowing the history and context of your interests. When you can articulate the why behind your odd collection or habits, they become a point of view rather than mere clutter.
    • Coherence vs. Chaos: Genuine eccentricity has "internal logic"—a thread that connects your interests. The most compelling eccentrics aren't just buying random things; they are curating a private mythology.
    • Hospitable Individuality: Being eccentric should not be an excuse to be inconsiderate. True individuality respects boundaries and doesn't force others to be an unwilling audience to your private obsessions.
    • The "Edit Rule": To maintain a refined personal world, apply the edit rule: for every new item or ritual you bring in, let one old thing go.
    Notable Figures & Mentions
    • The Beales of Grey Gardens: A case study in the high-wire act of theatrical self-invention and the paradox of the "fallen socialite."
    • Doris Duke: An example of eccentricity fueled by deep study and curiosity (Shangri-La).
    • Bunny Mellon: The art of "restrained" eccentricity through exacting standards.
    • Diana Vreeland: Using conviction and vision to build a distinct personal power.
    • Huguette Clark: A sobering reminder of the line between private interest and destructive isolation.
    How to Cultivate Your Own Individuality (Practical Advice)
    1. Follow the Rabbit Hole: Notice what you return to when no one is watching. What do you read, collect, or talk about without being asked? That recurring interest is your clue.
    2. Build Knowledge Before Collections: Deepen your fascination by studying the history of your interest. Knowing the "why" gives you a story that others can appreciate.
    3. Keep Some Pleasures Private: Not everything needs to be monetized, photographed, or explained on social media. Your inner life is for you.
    4. Practice Hospitable Eccentricity: Share your passions, but avoid monologues. Ensure your home is comfortable for guests, not just a museum of your own design.
    5. Develop a Signature: Choose one color, ritual, or detail that feels unmistakably yours.
    Resources & Links
    • Kiki Astor's Books: Explore the worlds of Crème de la Crème (romance) and Dark Inheritance (gothic suspense) at kikiastor.com.
    • Shop Grey Salt: Visit Kiki's Etsy shop for bookish curiosities and treasures inspired by her novels.
    • Further Reading: Mentioned during the episode: Empty Mansions (a study on Huguette Clark).

    Enjoyed the episode? Subscribe to Awkward Etiquette for your weekly dose of old money anthropology, sociology, and the manners you lack. Darling, you've got taste—let's make sure the world knows it.
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    57 min
  • The Secret History of Old Money and Dark Academia

    The Secret History of Old Money and Dark Academia
    Oct 12 2026
    In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Auntie Kiki explores dark academia beyond its familiar aesthetic of candlelit libraries, tweed jackets, ancient universities, and classical books. She traces its roots in elite education, aristocratic leisure, boarding-school culture, the Grand Tour, and traditions of intellectual self-presentation—showing how its imagery can signal cultural capital, inherited privilege, and social belonging. The episode also asks why dark academia feels so compelling: nostalgia for an imagined past, the sublime beauty of ruins, the appeal of slowness and sustained attention, and a longing for a life in which ideas and conversation matter. Drawing on writers and thinkers including Virginia Woolf, Donna Tartt, Pierre Bourdieu, and Thorstein Veblen, Kiki distinguishes the appearance of intellectual life from its substance. Her central message is that curiosity, close observation, personal study, reading, writing, and thoughtful conversation are within reach without elite credentials or expensive props. Dark academia can be a doorway into a richer life—but the goal is to step through it, not merely dress for it. Show Notes Dark academia as more than an aesthetic: The look draws on old books, historic architecture, academic rituals, and elite institutions—but also carries ideas about education, class, taste, and belonging.Education and inherited privilege: Elite education historically cultivated a refined persona and social authority, rather than simply preparing students for employment.Sprezzatura and the performance of ease: Kiki discusses Baldassare Castiglione's idea of concealing effort. In class signaling, worn and weathered objects can suggest inheritance and time, while pristine newness can suggest recent acquisition.Private tutors and intellectual confidence: One-to-one tutoring could teach children to take their ideas seriously, accept correction without shame, and value learning that has no obvious practical use.The Grand Tour and the romance of ruins: Travel through Europe offered elite young people a rite of passage, a claim to firsthand historical knowledge, and an education in the sublime—beauty mixed with awe, decay, and mortality.Boarding schools and institutional identity: Schools such as Eton, Harrow, and Winchester built networks and loyalty through uniforms, customs, hierarchy, sport, and discipline. The episode also acknowledges the loneliness and hardship their romanticized image can conceal.Universities, clubs, and the desire to be chosen: Formal dining, debating societies, and secret clubs create rituals of belonging and intellectual performance. The attraction is often as much about exclusivity and group identity as about reading itself.Useless subjects and the value of curiosity: Kiki contrasts education used as a status signal with learning pursued for its own sake. A niche interest can be a genuine source of pleasure, depth, and personal knowledge.The dark academia literary tradition: The episode considers figures including John Dee, Byron, Mary Shelley, Oscar Wilde, Virginia Woolf, and Richard Papen from Donna Tartt's The Secret History. Tartt's novel is framed as a warning about longing for beauty and belonging at the expense of moral judgment.Cultural capital and habitus: Drawing on Pierre Bourdieu, Kiki explains embodied, objectified, and institutionalized cultural capital, as well as the discomfort of navigating a world whose social codes were not learned at home.From performance to real understanding: Instead of collecting names or repeating facts, spend time observing, asking questions, and forming connections. The episode's example of a Dutch still life shows how close looking can reveal ideas about wealth, beauty, time, and decay.Cultivate specific interests: Explore overlooked subjects such as local history, botany, canals, church acoustics, or lighthouse logs. Depth in a personally meaningful topic can be more rewarding than shallow familiarity with a fashionable canon.Build a reading and writing practice: Keep a simple reading list, collect quotations, note unanswered questions, and write down what a book changed or made you consider. Reading, discussion, and writing form a practical intellectual routine.Use accessible learning resources: Public libraries, museums, digitized collections, archives, lectures, and polite questions to scholars can open doors beyond formal elite institutions.Why dark academia resonates: The episode connects its appeal to anemoia (nostalgia for a time one never experienced), awe and the sublime, slower forms of attention, identity-building, melancholy, intellectual risk, and queer longing in historical settings.Clothing and objects as tools, not props: Kiki discusses glasses, Oxford shirts, tweed, knitwear, fountain pens, and commonplace books through their histories and practical uses. Her rule: build the habit first, then buy the tools that support it.Conversation and intellectual ...
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    1 ora e 27 min
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