Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon explores the common sexual assumptions and misunderstandings that derail couples' sex lives. She discusses how past experiences shape current perceptions, the importance of maintaining a growth mindset, the influence of hedonic conditioning and the need for open communication to navigate assumptions. The conversation emphasizes the role of curiosity in fostering intimacy and understanding between partners.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Sexual Assumptions

05:40 The Impact of Past Experiences on Present Relationships

10:46 Mindset and Its Role in Sexual Communication

14:34 Navigating Assumptions in Long-Term Relationships

20:40 The Importance of Curiosity in Intimacy

Work With Heather

Want to get out of your sex rut? Request a free consultation for Heather's signature Pathway to Passion coaching program. Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call

Video Version

Check out the video version of this epsiode on our YouTube channel here: https://youtu.be/hyyz4ZyY65A

In this episode, Heather Shannon delves into the hidden reasons why sex becomes frustrating in long-term relationships. She explores four types of stories and meanings that couples attach to their sex lives, which often lead to emotional suffering. Through examples and frameworks like existential kink and internal family systems, Heather provides insights into how these unconscious belief patterns affect relationships and offers ways to reframe and address them for healthier connections.

Looking to get past sexual pressure or frustration and feel authentically close and excited again? Book a free consultation to see if coaching with Heather or a member of her team could be a good fit! Booking A Consultation With The Right Person

Want to get personalized coaching to improve your sex life? Book a free consultation with Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon or her team. Booking A Consultation With The Right Person

Summary

In this conversation, Heather Shannon and Laura Alyn explore the journey of self-discovery in sexuality through self-inquiry and writing. Laura shares insights from her book, 'A Thousand Questions and Activities to Embrace Your Sexuality,' discussing the importance of understanding one's desires, the role of writing in processing thoughts, and the significance of open communication in relationships. They delve into the connection between body and mind, the exploration of kinks, and the necessity of creating a safe space for sexual expression. The discussion emphasizes the ongoing nature of personal growth and the importance of embracing one's sexuality without shame.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Sexual Self-Discovery

02:47 The Journey of Self-Inquiry

05:44 The Importance of Writing in Self-Discovery

08:48 Exploring Sexual Questions and Preferences

11:05 Diving Deeper into Kinks and Desires

13:46 Understanding Safety in Sexual Exploration

17:40 Connecting the Layers of Self

18:59 The Body-Mind Connection in Sexual Desire

20:31 Overriding Body Signals and Hustle Culture

21:37 Self-Inquiry and Personal Growth

22:28 The Ornelian Framework: A Path to Self-Discovery

23:55 Understanding Soul and Spirit in Intimacy

25:33 Navigating the Anxiety of Self-Inquiry

28:50 Complaints as Indicators of Deeper Desires

31:31 Responsibility in Relationships

32:40 Exploring Intimacy and Connection

34:34 Embracing Adventure in Sexual Exploration

Visit Laura Alyn's website and check out her framework here: https://theornelian.com/2025/08/27/framework/

Video Episode

Check out the video version of this episode on our YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/GbUngjPy1nQ

Keywords

sexuality, self-inquiry, communication, desire, intimacy, kinks, writing, personal growth, relationships, self-discovery

Sex doesn’t usually disappear because people stop loving each other. It disappears because of emotional mistakes no one teaches us to recognize. In this episode, I’m breaking down five patterns that quietly destroy sex — and what to understand instead

Work With Heather

Feeling frustrated with your sex life or lack thereof? Book a free consultation with Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon or someone from her team! Click here to start.

Episode Summary

Heather discusses the 5 common emotional mistakes that can negatively impact a couple's sex life. She emphasizes the importance of understanding emotional dynamics rather than focusing solely on physical aspects of intimacy. The conversation covers common pitfalls such as taking a partner's lack of desire personally, moralizing around sex, recognizing emotional wounds, and the expectations surrounding sex in relationships. Heather encourages couples to foster empathy, curiosity, and open communication to enhance their emotional and sexual connection.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Emotional Mistakes in Sex Life

02:05 Taking Desire Personally: A Common Misconception

05:35 Blaming and Moralizing: The Impact on Relationships

10:46 Lack of Empathy for Sexual Wounds

15:11 Expecting Sex as an Obligation

20:35 The Honeymoon Phase: Unmasking Real Issues

Keywords

emotional mistakes, sex life, relationship advice, intimacy, sexual desire, communication, emotional wounds, libido, sexual health, couples therapy

Looking to improve sex and intimacy? Find the right coach or therapist for you here - Book A Free Consultation

In this episode, Heather Shannon and Doc Yu Roc (Dr. Yulinda Rahman) explore the therapeutic use of BDSM, discussing how trauma is stored in the body and the importance of intersectionality in healing. They delve into the power dynamics present in everyday life and how understanding these can aid in personal growth. Doc Yu Roc shares insights on the Kink Professional Standards Alliance and the therapeutic potential of kink, emphasizing the need for intentionality and awareness in BDSM practices. Heather and Yulinda also discuss the importance of knowing and expressing your personal boundaries for feeling safe in your body and having positive kink experiences.

Find Out More About Dr. Rahman (DocYuRoc) and her programs!

General Website: https://docyuroc.org/

Ecosystem Of Excellence: https://ecosystemofexcellence.org/

Chapters

0:00 Intro

2:53 Therapeutic Use Of BDSM

6:03 Understanding Body Based Trauma

9:02 Reconnecting With The Body

12:00 Exploring Kink & Sensation

15:03 Therapeutic Benefits

18:02 Healing Through Touch And Sensation

21:54 Understanding Power Dynamics

25:22 The Importance Of Awareness In Power Dynamics

28:39 Exploring Intersectionality

31:59 A New Approach To Healing

38:56 Resources For Learning More

View the video version of this episode at https://youtu.be/avOmaFbntg0

Keywords

BDSM, trauma, intersectionality, power dynamics, therapeutic kink, King Professional Standards Alliance, healing, intentionality, awareness, body-based trauma

Looking to get out of your sex rut? Book a free consultation with a member of the Ask A Sex Therapist coaching team! https://form.jotform.com/253156356665060

AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host Heather Shannon speaks with Naturopathic Doctor Jordin Wiggins about the challenges faced by high achieving women in their intimate relationships. In particular, Jordin share how women's "supertraits" can lead to burnout and hinder their ability to connect emotionally. The discussion covers the importance of understanding emotional needs, setting boundaries, and recognizing coercive control in relationships. Jordin emphasizes the need for self-care and the prioritization of pleasure in both personal and sexual life, offering insights into how women can learn to receive and create fulfilling relationships.

Find out more about Dr. Jordin Wiggins and her work with Supertraits here: https://www.thepleasurecollective.com/education

Follow Dr. Jordin Wiggins on IG - https://www.instagram.com/drjordinwiggins/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to High Achieving Women and Pleasure

02:34 Understanding Burnout and the Pleasure Problem

05:27 Super Traits and Their Impact on Relationships

08:08 The Connection Between Childhood and Adult Relationships

10:43 Navigating Boundaries and Emotional Safety

13:27 The Role of Sensitivity and Empathy

16:05 The Importance of Emotional Needs in Relationships

18:42 The Messy Middle of Change

21:15 Learning to Receive and Shift Dynamics

23:37 Creating a Pleasure-Centered Life

31:44 Navigating Life's Pleasures and Challenges

33:38 The Cultural Disconnect from Pleasure

35:46 The Shift Towards a Pleasure-Centered Life

37:42 Understanding Power Dynamics in Relationships

39:55 The Impact of Coercive Control

45:54 Transforming Sexual Relationships

53:44 Finding Support and Resources

58:32 Embracing Change and Vulnerability

Check out the video version of this episode on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/bWUnwluNffI

Keywords

pleasure, high achieving women, super traits, burnout, intimacy, relationships, emotional needs, coercive control, self-care, sexual health

If sex is feeling stressful, book a free Unlock Your Passion call with Heather to find out about her Pathway to Passion coaching program. https://HeatherShannon.co.

In this episode, Heather introduces Kristin Vyas, a sex and intimacy coach who has joined the Ask A Sex Therapist team. Kristen shares the top sex issues she sees with clients including erectile dysfunction, mismatched libidos and shame around kinks. Heather and Kristen discuss the impact of societal pressures on masculinity. They talk about the importance of open communication about kinks and desires, the role of anxiety in sexual performance, and the necessity of ongoing sex education. The conversation emphasizes the importance of viewing yourself and your partner as a whole person. Learn why curiosity and understanding in relationships can be your secret weapon to a great sex life and start redefining sexual experiences beyond traditional norms.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction of Kristin Vyas

01:00 Understanding Erectile Dysfunction

02:41 Redefining Pleasure and Connection

05:47 The Role of Anxiety in Sexual Performance

06:51 The Power of Thoughts in Sexual Experiences

09:18 The Impact of Adult Content on Sexual Expectations

11:56 The Importance of Ongoing Sex Education

15:28 Exploring Kinks and Shame

19:04 The Need for Acceptance in Kink

20:38 Common Kinks and Societal Pressures

23:02 The Pressure on Men in Sexual Relationships

26:11 Exploring Sexuality Beyond Labels

27:38 The Evolution of Sex Education

29:47 The Importance of Communication in Relationships

32:50 Understanding Boundaries and Safety

35:56 Navigating Kinks and Preferences

41:13 The Complexity of Desire

45:53 Rediscovering Core Desires

48:34 Curiosity and Empathy in Relationships

Keywords

erectile dysfunction, sex therapy, intimacy coaching, sexual health, kink, communication, consent, masculinity, sexual desire, sex education

Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon discusses ethical non-monogamy, addressing common fears, misconceptions, and the various forms it can take. She emphasizes the importance of timing, communication, and setting boundaries in non-monogamous relationships. The conversation also explores the emotional complexities involved, including jealousy and compersion, and how non-monogamy can serve as a means for individuals to explore their sexuality and identity.

Book a free consultation with a coach or therapist from the Ask A Sex Therapist team --> https://form.jotform.com/253156356665060

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy

02:38 Common Fears and Misconceptions

05:26 Understanding Different Types of Non-Monogamy

07:53 Timing and Relationship Readiness

10:46 Setting Boundaries and Parameters

13:31 Navigating Jealousy and Compersion

15:46 The Emotional Work of Non-Monogamy

18:38 Exploring Sexuality and Identity

21:25 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Keywords

ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, boundaries, compersion, relationship advice, sexuality, emotional work, communication