What happens when someone says, “Can you just move that box?” and your brain immediately produces 17 follow-up questions?

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD, I’m joined by ICF-certified coach and neurodiversity specialist speaker Nicci Lou for a wide-ranging conversation about neurodivergent communication, processing, masking and sensory overwhelm.

We explore why asking lots of questions isn't necessarily being “combative” or difficult, and why two people can approach exactly the same task in completely different ways.

We also talk about the double empathy problem and why communication shouldn't be something neurodivergent people are expected to “fix” on their own. Communication is a two-way street, and meeting each other in the middle can make a huge difference.

We get into:

🧠 Top-down and bottom-up processing

🔄 Why neurodivergent people can struggle with open loops

💬 Why asking questions isn't necessarily being difficult or combative

🤝 The double empathy problem

🎭 What masking does to our communication and sense of self

🧱 Nicci's brilliant Lego analogy for understanding masking and unmasking

👂 Sensory processing and why someone can look like they're coping while feeling completely overwhelmed

💗 Empathy, alexithymia and the myth that autistic people lack empathy

🙋‍♀️ Consent-based communication and what it can look like in everyday life

💼 Creating workplaces that work for different brains without putting individual employees under a spotlight

🌱 Why accommodations that help neurodivergent people can often make workplaces better for everyone

One of my favourite themes from our conversation is the idea that we shouldn't have to do all the adapting.

Instead of asking, “How do we get Josephine to disclose that she's autistic?”, Nicci suggests asking, “How can I make this workplace work for everybody?”

And if you've ever been told you're “too much”, “intense”, “difficult” or “asking too many questions”, there are some particularly reassuring moments in this conversation.

Because sometimes you're not being difficult.

Your brain is simply doing something different.

Nicci and I also talk about the upcoming AUDHD Intensive, an online event taking place on 29–30 September, featuring more than 19 experts with AuDHD lived experience, covering topics including hormones, parenting, work, communication and unmasking. Find out more here:

http://bemorezebra.me/

About Nicci

Nicci Lou is a Neurodiversity Specialist Speaker and ICF Certified Coach helping masked and neurodivergent people lose the exhaustion and pain and step into their own lives with power.

Find Nicci here:

https://amplifytothrive.com/

In this episode of Adventures with ADHD, I’m chatting with Kaye Heyes, a coach, hypnotherapist, supervisor and focusing practitioner who supports highly sensitive, autistic and ADHD people to stop relying on willpower and start discovering their Waypower.

We talk about what happens when you spend years overriding your body, pushing through exhaustion and trying to make yourself function according to rules that simply don't work for your neurodivergent brain.

Kaye explains the difference between willpower, which can leave us depleted and stuck in a cycle of “I should…” and “I need to…”, and Waypower, which is about finding your own route, trusting yourself and learning to listen to what your body is telling you.

We also dive into focusing, a practice that helps you tune into your body's felt sense and notice what is happening beneath the surface. Kaye shares how learning to listen to her body has changed how she lives, works, coaches and relates to other people.

And then we get into one of my favourite parts of the conversation: time.

Kaye introduces the different ways the ancient Greeks thought about time, including Chronos, chronological clock-and-calendar time, and Kairos, the sense of the right or opportune moment.

We explore what this might mean for ADHDers who are often labelled as procrastinators when they may actually be waiting for the moment when something feels possible.

Kaye Heyes is a WayPower Guide, enabling highly sensitive and neurodivergent solopreneurs to step out of willpower and into their WayPower, increasing their self-trust and body-wise intuition.

Kaye is a specialist AuDHD coach, hypnosis and Focusing practitioner, Master NLP practitioner, and coaching supervisor, who specialises in helping creatives, coaches and solo business owners redesign their relationship with time, success and their inbox.

Connect with Kay:

https://kayeheyes.com/

What does real inclusion actually look like?

In this episode, I'm joined by lawyer, ADHD coach and leadership consultant Amanda Millar. We explore why inclusion is about far more than policies, why curiosity might be the most underrated leadership skill, and how workplaces can better support neurodivergent people without making assumptions.

Amanda also shares her experience as the first openly LGBTQ+ President of the Law Society of Scotland, why visibility matters, and why "bringing your whole self to work" isn't always as simple as it sounds.

Whether you're a leader, HR professional, neurodivergent employee or simply someone who wants workplaces to be kinder and more effective, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom.

Amanda Millar is a lawyer, leader and founder of Buchanan Millar. A former President of the Law Society of Scotland and the first openly LGBTQ+ person to hold the role, she has spent much of her career helping individuals and organisations navigate change, complexity and difficult conversations.

Alongside her work with leadership teams and professional services firms, Amanda has a longstanding interest in mental wellbeing, inclusion and what helps people perform at their best.

She is known for bringing honesty, humour and practical insight to conversations about leadership, pressure and the challenge of getting out of our own way.

Contact Amanda here:

www.buchananmillar.co.uk

Amanda Millar | LinkedIn

If you enjoyed this conversation, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who cares about creating workplaces where people can genuinely thrive.

Because inclusion isn't just good for neurodivergent people.

It's good for everyone.

Find out more about Suzi Payton AuDHD speaker - comedian - coach & author at:

www.suzipayton.com