I will hit a million brick walls before I ask for help. I’ll go through the mud, run myself into the ground and cry into my pillow at night, because somehow all of that feels less scary than asking someone and hearing no.

This week I’m getting honest about my hyper independence. “I’ll figure it out” is basically my life motto, and it should probably be printed on every T-shirt I own. For years I called it strength, and everyone around me called me strong and resilient. But when I dug underneath it, I found something less flattering: a worthiness wound telling me I’m a burden, and that if I ask, I’ll be rejected.

I share what this looked like during my separation. There was the second house move, when I didn’t want to bother anyone, and the girlfriend who looked at me and said, “Are you kidding me? Why haven’t you asked me already?” I even asked my ex for help, which felt terrifying. Between the four of us, we got it done in one day.

If you’re going through separation or divorce, you’re facing a to-do list as long as a toilet roll: finances, lawyers, leases, schools, co-parenting. And you’re still trying to be the rock for your kids. You don’t win any awards for doing all of that alone.

I also share some news. Once a month I’ll be bringing an expert onto the show, starting with money and financial empowerment, so you don’t have to learn everything the hard way like I did.

This week’s journal prompt: What am I stuck on right now, and who could I ask for help? And if you don’t know who to ask, who do you know who might know someone?

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