Never the drink first. Always one hot thought you did not catch. Bernard Glos, Ph.D., joins Massimo Rigotti to walk through AFROG (Alive, Feel better, Real, Others, Goals), the five question test from Maxie Maultsby's rational behavior therapy that catches a hot thought before the craving wins, and why addiction-making family rules quietly load the mind for a snap. This is the Observe work of the S.O.B.E.R. Method, for people who want sobriety and cannot walk into a public room to admit it.

• AFROG is Alive, Feel better, Real, Others, and Goals. Run the five questions on your self-talk so thoughts lead to chosen behavior instead of a snap.
• A hot thought drives immediate reactive behavior. A less hot thought may still be unhelpful, but it will not send you back to the drink or the fight in that moment.
• Life splits into two piles: the huge pile you do not control and the smaller pile you do. Messing around in the big pile makes you miserable. Stop, look, and listen, then choose.
• Addiction-making families teach be perfect, play safe, do not be selfish, stick to the script, and do not show your feelings. Those rules move you away from reality and load hot thoughts later.
• Faye's formula is expectations minus reality equals pain. The same core beliefs that drive kids in detention drive high achievers at work.
• Empowerment with dignity and respect changes people. Even violent kids protect the adult who treats them that way and who they believe actually cares.
• Massimo's Observe move this week: the next time you feel a craving, an urge, or the pull to snap, write the exact sentence running through your head. That is your hot thought. Then run two AFROG questions. Does this thinking keep me healthy? Is this based on what is real? If it fails either question, you caught it before it caught you.

00:00 Why the drink is never first
00:32 How AFROG names the five question test
04:12 How pinball reacting loses control of your life
05:43 Why a hot thought drives the snap
07:07 How stop look listen raises the odds
07:57 How mindfulness catches you before the urge wins
09:28 How addiction-making family rules load hot thoughts
11:51 Why stuffing feelings ends in a blowup
15:25 Why detention kids and high achievers share the same rules
15:46 How Faye's formula names expectations minus reality
26:01 Why dignity and respect keep even violent kids protective
29:24 How to run this week's Observe move

• 🎁 Free gift! The exact 5 tools I use with clients to name what is really driving the urge to numb, before it takes over. Grab them free: https://sobermethod.com/5tools
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If you want lasting sobriety without walking into a room that could follow the job or the license, start at https://sobermethod.com/services.

Bernard (Bernie) Glos, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who has practiced since 1971. His career spans Benedictine University, inner-city Chicago mental health, UIC psychiatry and neuropsychology, managed care clinical director for Illinois, first clinical director at Gateway Foundation where he led Joint Commission accreditation, the DuPage County drug court design team, and a nationally recognized detention program built on thinking change and empowerment. He has worked with violent youth historically and with high-achieving adults and workplace settings more recently.

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