Why do some women keep dating emotionally unavailable men—even when they know the relationship probably isn't going anywhere? Attraction, chemistry, attachment patterns, and the thrill of the chase can make emotionally unavailable men especially hard to walk away from.

In this episode of The Self Help Briefing, Jen takes the lead as she and Mike explore why women can find themselves repeatedly attracted to men who are distant, inconsistent, afraid of commitment, or simply unable to offer the kind of relationship they want.

They talk about the difference between chemistry and anxiety, why emotional stability can sometimes feel strangely boring, and how early attachment experiences may influence who we find attractive later in life. Jen also gets personal about learning the hard way that an attractive man with muscles, money, and plenty of charm isn't necessarily a man who will treat you well.

Because sometimes the hardest part isn't recognizing that he's emotionally unavailable.

It's recognizing why you still want him.

In This Episode

• Why emotionally unavailable men can be so attractive
• The addictive quality of uncertainty and the chase
• How attachment patterns can influence dating choices
• Why “butterflies” aren't always the same thing as healthy chemistry
• When emotional safety gets mistaken for boredom
• How fantasy can keep you attached to someone's potential
• Why choosing an unavailable partner can sometimes protect you from vulnerability
• Learning to recognize calm, consistent, emotionally available love

Today's Affirmation

“I am worthy of love that is present, consistent, and chooses me back.”

Recommended Reading

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel Heller, M.A.

This popular relationship book explores adult attachment styles and how they can influence attraction, intimacy, dating, and the partners we choose.

Check out Attached on Amazon

Source & Further Reading

This episode was inspired in part by the Couples Counseling Chicago article Emotionally Unavailable Men: Why Women Keep Falling for Them, which explores attraction to emotionally unavailable partners, recurring dating patterns, and related relationship dynamics. ---

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• Does Your Boyfriend Use You Just for Sex?
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