Why Are You So Angry at a Nine-Year-Old?
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Why Are You So Angry at a Nine-Year-Old?
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Elizabeth Faidley saw a post from a violin teacher, and she was repulsed. The post explained how this teacher stays calm in lessons "when the situation dearly calls for some unhinged reactions"—and that sentence sends Elizabeth into one of her most passionate, and necessary rants yet.
What situation, exactly, calls for an unhinged reaction? Did the child set the violin on fire? Did she throw it out the window? Or did a nine-year-old play an F out of tune? In this episode, Elizabeth draws a firm and uncompromising line: you do not have the right or the place to be angry at a student. Ever.
She dismantles the romanticized culture of abusive teaching that has plagued classical music for generations—the screaming teachers, the humiliation, the thrown objects, the adults who still remember the feeling in their stomachs 30, 40 years later. She brings in the science: meta-analyses showing that acute stress impairs working memory and cognitive flexibility (the exact systems we ask students to use constantly), and a 2026 APA study of 700 teachers and 18,000 students across eight countries showing that teacher anger predicts lower teaching quality and worse student outcomes.
She explains why "suppressing" rage isn't the goal—the goal is examining why the rage is there in the first place. And she offers the alternative: rigor without cruelty, high standards without anger, discipline without fear, kindness without permissiveness.
Because children can tolerate incredibly high expectations when they know one essential thing: my teacher is on my side. It's not student versus teacher. It's teacher and student versus the wrist. Teacher and student versus the horrible shift. Teacher and student against the unfair competition. And if a nine-year-old plays the F sharp wrong 14 times? Okay. Apparently we're learning F sharp 15 times.
Find Elizabeth here:
Website
https://www.elizabethfaidley.com/
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/@FaidleyStudio
https://www.instagram.com/faidleystudio
Podcast
https://rss.com/podcasts/its-more-than-the-violin/