"I spent forty thousand dollars on shoes, and I have no place to live?"

Everybody blames Carrie Bradshaw. But every woman in Sex and the City has a money script, and every one of them paid for it in a different currency: Carrie in security, Charlotte in freedom, Samantha in closeness, Miranda in joy.

In this episode: the money scripts of all four, where they come from and where they lead, what happens when four scripts sit at one brunch table, a quick test to find out which one is yours, and how to rewrite it.

Your homework:

Write down the money sentences you heard growing up and your strongest money memory. Then take one belief and ask: Where is it from? Whose voice is it? What's partly true, and what's outdated? What's the more accurate version? Write it on a card and keep it next to your banking app.

Free guide "Why You Always End Up Back at Zero":

https://mindsetalina.gumroad.com/l/anti-sabotage-guide

Apply for a 1:1 session with me:

https://forms.gle/3PumaU1rhZePipdv8

Watch the full video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/O62cnUqRWcc

Chapters:

0:00 $40,000 in shoes and no place to live

1:01 Who I am

1:33 What a money script is

3:06 Four scripts, four girls

3:27 Carrie: status + avoidance

6:28 Charlotte: safety through someone else

8:59 Samantha: the one who pays her own way

11:08 Miranda: vigilance

14:18 When four scripts sit at one table

18:34 Who was really the worst with money?

19:31 The quick test

20:43 Where your script came from

22:21 How to rewrite it

24:45 Your homework

Research mentioned: Klontz et al., Journal of Financial Therapy (2011); Klontz & Britt, Journal of Financial Planning (2012).

Sex and the City scenes are described from the show. I'm a money coach. This is not therapy or financial advice.

"If your dad asks, tell him it cost less."

That's what my mom used to tell me when I was a kid. And about 40% of people in a relationship have hidden money from their partner or lied about it.

In this episode: why people hide purchases, cards and debt from the person they love, where the line is between privacy and a secret, what financial infidelity really costs, and what to do if you're the one hiding or the one who just found out. Plus how my fiancé and I keep money open without giving up our freedom.

Your homework:

Write down where your line is between privacy and a secret. Then agree with your partner on one small rule this week, like "anything over $200, we give each other a heads-up."

Free guide "Why You Always End Up Back at Zero":

https://mindsetalina.gumroad.com/l/anti-sabotage-guide

Apply for a 1:1 session with me:

https://forms.gle/3PumaU1rhZePipdv8

Watch the full video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/jFfB39M52T8

Chapters:

0:00 "Tell your dad it cost less"

0:18 Who I am

1:16 What counts as financial infidelity

3:32 My story

4:58 Privacy or a secret?

6:48 Why people hide money

9:58 What it really costs

11:41 If you're the one hiding

14:11 If you just found out

15:52 How my fiancé and I do it

17:40 Your homework

Research mentioned: Bankrate financial infidelity survey (2023); The Motley Fool / The Ascent survey (2022).

The couple's story in this episode is a mix of several stories with names and details changed. I'm a money coach. This is not therapy, relationship or financial advice.

If I paid off all your debt tomorrow, how long would it take you to end up right back where you started?

Most people already know a payoff method. Snowball, avalanche, consolidation, they've heard it all. And they're still in debt. In this episode we talk about what keeps sending you back: the feelings loop, buying an image, waiting to be saved, having no safety net, and the people around you who make it really hard to say no.

You'll also hear a simple four-column tool from CBT for the moment you finally open that statement, the questions I ask people in my sessions, and the story of my own student loan.

Your homework:

Grab a notebook and answer three questions.

1. How did I end up here, and what was it for?

2. What's so scary about spending only what I earn?

3. If I had no debt at all, what would I actually do?

Then, this week, look at the full number. Just once.

Free guide "Why You Always End Up Back at Zero":

https://mindsetalina.gumroad.com/l/anti-sabotage-guide

Apply for a 1:1 session with me:

https://forms.gle/3PumaU1rhZePipdv8

Watch the full video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/F3RBBn7-n7Y

Chapters:

0:00 What if I paid off all your debt?

0:25 Who I am

1:18 Why the method isn't the problem

2:33 The day after your debt is gone

3:56 4 reasons people end up in debt

7:58 Why debt got so easy

9:14 The debt thermostat

9:46 Shame and the statement you don't open

12:31 The questions I ask in my sessions

14:56 My own debt

15:57 What actually helps

21:26 Why we quit, and what's waiting on the other side

23:50 Your homework

Research mentioned: Chava & Paradkar, Georgia Tech (2018); Hankins, Hoekstra & Skiba, The Review of Economics and Statistics (2011); Prelec & Simester, Marketing Letters (2001); Karlsson, Loewenstein & Seppi, Journal of Risk and Uncertainty (2009). Full titles are in the YouTube description.

The stories of other people in this episode are mixed and changed so nobody can be recognized. I'm a money coach. This is not therapy or financial advice.

You know how your partner takes their coffee and what they're scared of at 3 a.m. But do you know how much debt they have?

My fiancé and I talked about money long before he proposed, so by the time the ring showed up, there were no surprises on either side. In this episode I walk you through the money talk: why it matters, the 4 fears that stop you from having it, how to have it without a fight, what to actually talk about, and what to do after, because some things you can live with and some you really shouldn't ignore.

In this episode:

• why money secrets always show up at the worst moment
• the 4 fears: looking greedy, being judged, hearing the answer, ruining the vibe
• the reflection journal (paper, not ChatGPT)
• how to start the talk without a fight
• the 7 things to actually talk about
• how it went for me and my fiancé
• difference or red flag: what you can live with and what you shouldn't ignore

Your homework (ask each other):

1. What did money feel like in your house growing up?
2. What's one thing about money that stresses you out right now?
3. What's one thing you want our money to make possible for us in 5 years?

Bonus, just for you: grab a notebook and write for 10 minutes: "Talking about money with my partner scares me because..."

CHAPTERS
0:00 The money talk before the ring
0:57 Who I am
1:37 Why the money talk matters
3:13 The 4 fears
7:13 The reflection journal
8:50 How to have the talk
12:12 What to actually talk about
16:28 How it went for us
18:36 After the talk: difference or red flag?
23:05 Homework
23:58 Wrap up

FREE GUIDE
Why You Always End Up Back at Zero:
https://mindsetalina.gumroad.com/l/anti-sabotage-guide

WORK WITH ME
First 1:1 session, 30 min, $30. We find your money pattern and you leave with your first tools:
https://forms.gle/GiKhuQLDropEcV8P6

LISTEN FIRST
Episode 1, Why You Can't Save Money (Even When You Make More), is right here in the feed.

FIND ME
YouTube (watch this episode): https://youtu.be/qzLbW_pMG6Q
Instagram: https://instagram.com/mindset.by.alina
Substack: https://substack.com/@mindsetbyalina

"Sam & Maya" is a composite of real patterns I see, with details changed.