What is Love, Really? Unpacking the Myths and Realities of Connection

In Episode 4 of the RelationStitch podcast, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie tackle one of the most loaded questions in human history: "What is love?"

While the question might summon lyrics from a 90s dance hit, the Fraleys dig much deeper, exploring why so many of us stay in toxic relationships under the guise of "loving" someone.

Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/mFxw91scQk0?si=w6pgiDVa_ikTJHnU

The "Love" Trap

Clyde opens the discussion with a common scenario from his therapy practice: clients who endure repeated infidelity or abuse because they claim, "I just love them." The hosts argue that this isn't love—it's often a result of conditioned responses from childhood [03:39]. If you grew up associating affection with neglect or chaos, you might mistake abuse for intimacy in adulthood.

Myths We Believe

The duo discusses how society distorts our view of relationships:

• The Disney Effect: Movies often sell a "Prince Charming" narrative that sets impossible standards, leading to disappointment when real life isn't a fairy tale [10:05].
• Social Media: We are bombarded with narcissistic portrayals of love that prioritize material things and selfish gain over sacrifice [11:02].
• Sex vs. Love: Culture tries to make sex synonymous with love, but they are distinct. In toxic dynamics, "makeup sex" can actually be part of a Trauma Bond—a cycle of abuse and "love bombing" that creates a powerful, addictive chemical attachment similar to gambling [12:31].

Finding the Healthy Middle

So, what does healthy love look like?

• The Continuum of Self: Clyde references Ross Rosenberg’s work, noting that healthy relationships exist in the balance between Codependency (losing yourself to please others) and Pathological Narcissism (making everything about you) [21:07].
• Love Languages: While useful, the hosts warn that Love Languages should be used to give selflessly, not weaponized as demands to get what you want [20:03].

The True Source

Ultimately, the Fraleys suggest that to find the purest definition of love, we must look beyond Hollywood and psychology to the Bible. They set the stage for their next episode, which will take a deep dive into 1 Corinthians 13 as the ultimate blueprint for healthy connection [24:37].

Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D

For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com