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Manna For Marriage, "Chemistry Verses Character" - Full sermon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO2oU7XSvhM&t=596s

In Part 6 of Manna for Marriage, Pastor Don and Lisa look at Nabal and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. Nabal had wealth, influence, and a wife the Bible calls intelligent and beautiful, but his arrogance nearly got his whole household killed when he insulted David, Israel's future king. Pastor Don and Lisa brings out three truths.

1. A spouse with bad character puts everyone at risk.

2. One spouse with character can cover for the other's foolishness, but only for so long.

3. And you can have love, passion, and shared interests, but without character you have nothing.

Your charisma will open doors, but your character keeps them open. The world marries on chemistry and divorces when it fades, but the church marries on covenant and grows character as the feelings fade. Chemistry gets you to the altar. Character keeps you at the table.

"Please, let not my lord regard this scoundrel Nabal. For as his name is, so is he: Nabal is his name, and folly is with him!" (1 Samuel 25:25, NKJV)

Action steps (the 7-Day Character Audit):

1. Ask the Nabal Question every morning. Ask yourself, "Where am I acting like there is no God? Where is my arrogance endangering my household?" Write down one answer each day, and at the end of the week, confess it to your spouse.
2. Take the Abigail Action every day. If your spouse is acting foolishly, don't enable it. Speak the truth in love and call the behavior what it is, to save and not to destroy.
3. Renew your covenant on Friday night. Each of you write down three character traits you commit to grow, like humility, honesty, patience, or self-control. Trade them and pray together: "Lord, chemistry fades, but character endures. Build in us the fear of the Lord."
4. Do the right thing when no one is watching. Character shows up most when you're tired, angry, or not feeling "in love." Keep your word anyway.
5. Stop coasting. Don't let your paycheck, your ministry position, or your charm stand in for the humility and integrity your marriage needs.

Catch the full Manna for Marriage series on the Firm Foundation Ministries YouTube page, follow along with the daily devotional, and subscribe so you don't miss an episode. A big thank you to Coletin Gascho for running our Wedded Wednesday live.

📖 Pastor Don's new book With Total Abandon is out now: With Total Abandon on Amazon

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Manna For Marriage, "When Love Is Not Enough" - Full Sermon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQQ3gEkKLcE&t=254s

In Part 4 of Manna for Marriage, Pastor Don and Lisa look at Elkanah and Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. The Bible says plainly that Elkanah loved Hannah, but he didn't understand her pain. While she wept over her barrenness, he asked, "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" His words were meant to comfort her, but they landed like a knife. Pastor Don shows three things. Love without emotional intelligence is just noise. When your identity is tied to being the fixer, you'll resent the one who stays broken. And marriage thrives when spouses feel seen, not just supported. Your spouse's pain doesn't need your logic; it needs your presence. Happiness isn't a receipt for services rendered, and your spouse's struggle isn't a referendum on your performance. The challenge this week isn't to love more but to see more.

"Then Elkanah her husband said to her, 'Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?'" (1 Samuel 1:8, NKJV)

Action steps (the 7-Day Seeing Challenge):

1. Just listen every night. Set a timer for 10 minutes and let your spouse talk about their day. No solutions, no Bible verses, no comparisons. Say only "Tell me more" and "I hear you," then finish with "Thank you for sharing. I see you."
2. Ask a curiosity question every morning. Ask one question you don't know the answer to, like "What felt heavy this week that I didn't notice?" Write the answer down. Don't fix it; just know it.
3. Do the "Am I Not Enough?" check-in on Friday night. Each of you ask yourself where you've made your spouse's pain about your ego, share one example, and pray together.
4. Choose presence over advice. The next time your spouse is hurting, sit with them and say, "I don't understand, but I'm here."
5. Look beneath the surface. Ask what's underneath the anger, the fear behind the silence, or the wound a behavior is protecting.

Catch the full Manna for Marriage series on the Firm Foundation Ministries YouTube page, follow along with the daily devotional, and subscribe so you don't miss an episode. A big thank you to Coletin Gascho for running our Wedded Wednesday live.

📖 Pastor Don's new book With Total Abandon is out now: With Total Abandon on Amazon

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Pastor Don and Lisa follow up on Week 4 of Manna for Marriage, "When Love Is a Competition," from the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel (Genesis 29). Leah had a husband but no love, and Rachel had love but no peace. Lisa, unscripted as always, says they were both looking for satisfaction in a person, which no spouse was designed to give. They talk about why God brings two whole people together, not two halves. They talk about what emotional safety really looks like: being able to share your heart without being shut down, and working things out with your spouse before you take them to your friends. They also cover why couples try to earn love, why being "the favorite" still doesn't bring peace, and the quiet places spouses go for validation. Then there's the 35-cent can of Mountain Dew that meant everything because "you thought about me." Like Leah naming her son Judah, real peace comes when we stop asking our spouse to be God and say, "Now I will praise the Lord."

"And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, 'Now I will praise the LORD.' Therefore she called his name Judah." (Genesis 29:35, NKJV)

Action steps:

1. Rate your emotional safety. Each of you rate how safe you feel sharing your heart, then talk about it calmly. No yelling, no finger-pointing.
2. Go to your spouse first. Work things through with each other before you take them to friends.
3. Compete to serve. The only competition in a marriage should be who can outserve the other. Do one small, unexpected thing for your spouse this week.
4. Check your quiet places. Ask yourself where you go for validation when you feel unloved, and bring it to the Lord.
5. Find your worth in God. Stop asking your spouse to be your savior. Start each day this week thanking God that you're loved by Him.

Catch up on the full Manna for Marriage series on the Firm Foundation Ministries YouTube page, sign up for the daily devotional, and don't miss Week 5 this Sunday.

📖 Pastor Don's new book With Total Abandon is out now: With Total Abandon on Amazon

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Pastor Don and Lisa follow up on Sunday's Manna for Marriage message on parenting. A house doesn't need yelling to fall apart; it just needs two parents pulling in opposite directions. Using the story of Isaac, Rebekah, Jacob and Esau, they talk about how a divided heart turns kids into allies, weapons, or trophies in a war they never signed up for. Lisa shares how her parents never made her carry their worries, and what "Wait till your dad gets home" really meant in the Smith house: not a threat, but "Mom and Dad will talk first and come to you together." They also speak with care to divorced parents: your ex is still your child's parent, so don't make your kids casualties. Pastor Don shares how his own dad modeled that for him.

"If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand." (Mark 3:25, NKJV)

Action steps:

1. Front Door Huddle: Each morning, ask each other, "How will we be united as parents today?" and "Where will we be tempted to be divided?"
2. Favoritism Audit: Be honest about which child you naturally defend and which one you naturally criticize.
3. United Front: Make "Wait till your mom/dad gets home" mean "We'll talk first, then come to you together."
4. Keep kids out of the middle: If you need something from your spouse, go to your spouse. Don't send your children.
5. Go back to Sunday: Re-listen to the message and work through this week's Manna for Marriage devotionals together.

A big thank-you to Pastor Coletin Gascho, who keeps our Facebook Lives running every week. Catch Wedded Wednesday live on Facebook, and subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio so you never miss an episode.

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This week Pastor Don and Lisa sit down to talk through the first two messages in the Manna for Marriage series: "The Blame Game Ends Here" (Genesis 3:8–13) and "The High Cost of a Shortcut" (Genesis 16:1–6; 21:8–14). Pastor Don walks through four points, and Lisa shares her honest, unscripted take on each one.

From Adam and Eve hiding in the garden to Abram and Sarai trying to "help God out," Scripture shows us what happens when blame and impatience take over a marriage. And it shows us the way back.

In this episode:

• Perfection isn't the goal; ownership is.
• When blame gets louder than humility, intimacy dies slowly.
• When waiting becomes uncomfortable, decisions become ungodly.
• Shortcuts always cost more later.

Action steps for this week:

1. Pray the Unity Prayer together every night.
2. Practice the 72-Hour Rule and the Waiting Fast before any big decision.
3. Do a Friday Shortcut Audit together.
4. Say three words that change everything: "I. Was. Wrong."
5. Use the 10-Second Rule before you respond in a conflict.
6. Speak the Day 6 declaration over your marriage on Saturday.

Follow along with the Manna for Marriage 6-day devotional, and join us Sundays at Firm Foundation Ministries at 8, 10 and noon.

"Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." (Psalm 27:14, NKJV)

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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle one of the most practical and challenging topics in marriage: what to do when you're angry. Drawing from Psalm 4:4, they explore the biblical wisdom of processing anger without letting it control you—and without letting it destroy your marriage.

📖 Scripture Focus – Psalm 4:4

Don clarifies what might seem like a contradiction: The Bible says don't let the sun go down on your wrath, but it also says to be angry and not sin. The point? You can be angry—just don't let it lead you into sin. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is slow down, process your words, and remain silent before you speak.

🧠 Why This Matters in Marriage
When two people get married, two personalities get married. What once attracted you—the differences, the quirks—can start causing friction over time. As Lisa puts it: "It attracted, all right, but now it's becoming impactful." Fatigue and stress erase the patience we once had, and before we know it, we're frustrating each other despite our best intentions.

🛠️ Two Practical Steps
1. Be Careful with Each Other When You're Angry

Lisa shares a personal story about a season when she was on steroids for arthritis—and it made her "mean." Don had to lovingly point it out (which took great bravery!), and though it stung at first, Lisa processed it and learned to warn Don when a flare-up was coming. The lesson? Show self-control with your words and actions, even when you're angry. It's okay to say, "I need a minute to process this." But if you say that, set a time to come back and talk—don't use it as an excuse to sweep things under the rug.

2. Focus on Your Own Heart and Behavior

Don shares wisdom from his dad: "If you have a problem and you're not willing to be a part of the solution, you will always have a problem." And from Pastor Rick, who counseled him back in 1992: "Even if you're only 10% a part of the problem, you're 100% responsible for your 10%."

When you focus on your own heart, you can confess your wrongs, ask for forgiveness, and let go of the need to win. As Don says: "If you're more interested in being right than you are in being in relationship, your relationship is always going to struggle."

🔁 The Five-to-One Ratio (Revisited)

Lisa brings back their go-to tool: before you share one negative thing, share five positives about your spouse. It's not easy when you're upset—but that's the point. By the time you work through the five positives, God often speaks to your own heart about why you were triggered in the first place. Over half the time, Lisa says she never even shares the negative thing because she realizes it wasn't that big of a deal.

Don admits he can tell when it's coming: "She starts telling me five things she loves about me, and by number three, I know what's happening." But now he turns off the TV and gives her his full attention—because he knows she's worked and prayed through something important.

💡 This Week's Challenge

As Don puts it: "I love us too much to destroy us with my words."

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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith are back after a five-week sabbatical—and they're coming to you from their brand-new Legacy Leaders Studio! After seven years without a real break, their eldership team gifted them time away, and their leadership team surprised them with a completely redecorated space. It's a fresh start, and it sets the perfect backdrop for today's topic: Love Finds Opportunities.

Scripture Focus – Luke 6:38 - "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you."

Don and Lisa apply this principle directly to marriage: the measure of love, effort, and blessing you pour into your spouse is the measure you'll receive back. But it starts with finding opportunities to give.

Every Marriage Is Unique—Stop Comparing

Don asks Lisa: "How unique do you think our marriage is?" Her answer sparks a powerful conversation about how every marriage is unique because it's made up of two specific people. When couples compare their marriage to others, they become blinded to the opportunities right in front of them. As Lisa puts it: "You're never satisfied with what you have when you're always comparing."

Remember the Porch Swing

Don shares a story about a couple they mentored who used to sit on their front porch swing and talk for hours when they were dating. After years of marriage, they'd stopped. Don and Lisa gave them homework: put the kids to bed, turn off the phones, and go sit on the porch swing. The next meeting, the couple admitted it was awkward at first—but then they rediscovered something they loved.

The lesson? Remember the things that brought you together. The little moments. The unique joys. Don't let the "contract" of marriage—bills, kids, chores, work—rob you of the daydreams and connection you once shared.

The Airbnb Surprise

Don shares a recent personal moment. He's always the one who plans their trips. But recently, Lisa came to him and said, "I scheduled us for two nights at an Airbnb. Don't schedule anything."

Don's response? "I'm in. I don't need to know the details."

Why? Because love finds an opportunity to be a blessing—especially when it would be more convenient not to. Lisa took the initiative to keep the connection alive after their sabbatical, and it meant the world to Don.

This Week's Challenge

• Making them coffee without being asked
• Coming home early
• Cooking dinner
• Going for a walk together
• Scheduling a surprise getaway
• Sitting on the porch swing and just talking

As Don puts it: "Try to imagine what you could do or be working toward this coming week that would give undeniable evidence to your spouse just how much you treasure them."

The Bottom Line

If you're going to make anything a competition in your marriage, make it this: how can you out-bless each other? Love finds opportunities—even when it's inconvenient, even when your spouse doesn't "deserve" it, and especially when you don't feel like it. That's when grace enters in, and that's where healing begins.

As Lisa says: "It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't even have to cost any money. It just has to come from a heart that wants to bless."

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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith talk about something every marriage needs but few practice consistently: being your spouse's biggest cheerleader. Not a critic. Not a fair-weather fan. A genuine, loud-and-proud supporter.

📖 Scripture Focus – Proverbs 8:30-31

Don points out that this scripture reminds him of a cheerleader—someone who is constantly present, full of delight, and rejoicing in the presence of others. That's the picture of what we should be for our spouses.

🏈 The Cheerleader Analogy

In sports, the cheerleading squad wears the same colors as the team. They're united. They celebrate every touchdown, every turnover, every good play—and even when the team is down, they cheer harder to rally them.

But in marriage, we often do the opposite. We criticize. We complain about the little things. We even join in when others are critical of their spouses. As Lisa puts it: "Negativity is contagious, just like laughter and joy."

🧠 Why We Miss the Successes

Lisa admits she tends to be more critical. She's a "glass half full" person who has to work harder to notice the good. And here's the problem: we're often looking for the earthquake—the big, Hollywood moment—and we miss the little things that really matter.

• Picking up shoes
• Watering the plants
• Making it through a tough workday
• Just showing up

Every accomplishment is an achievement. And every achievement should be celebrated.

⚠️ The Danger of Not Celebrating

Don makes a bold statement: "We gravitate toward the areas we are celebrated, and we withdraw from the places we are not celebrated."

This is why people become workaholics—because that's the only place they feel valued. This is why spouses emotionally disengage—because home feels like a place of constant criticism instead of celebration.

Lisa adds: "When we're just tolerated, that's not fulfilling."

💡 This Week's Challenge

Don promises: "I guarantee you the environment is going to change." It might not be a lightning bolt, but a little spark can cause a fire.

Lisa adds: "Write it down. Write down how you felt and how they responded. Over time, you'll see the progress."

📣 Practice Makes Perfect
Don reminds us that cheerleaders practice every day—they only perform once a week. In the same way, we need to practice celebrating our spouses daily. When we do, our spouses will lean into us for encouragement instead of looking for it elsewhere.

💬 The Bottom Line
Marriage isn't as complicated as we think. As Lisa puts it: "You just have to be intentional." Be the one who cheers louder than anyone else. Be the one who delights in your spouse. Be the one who makes them feel like they're winning.

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and leave a rating! (And yes, there's a link in the show notes to buy them a sweet tea and a Little Debbie snack cake if you're feeling generous.)

Note: Don and Lisa will be taking a six-week break starting in a few weeks—so catch up on all the episodes while you can!

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