Here's a radical idea: being polyamorous doesn't make you a better person.

In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty calls out the weaponized poly discourse that's been laundering bad behavior under enlightenment language. "That's just jealousy." "I don't believe in obligation." "You're asking for hierarchy." These phrases shut down accountability instead of opening conversations.

Through the story of Jenna and Ari, you'll hear exactly how autonomy gets confused with avoidance, privacy becomes a cover for withholding critical information, and growth rhetoric turns into a weapon that dismisses harm instead of repairing it.

This episode draws clear lines between discomfort and harm, autonomy and impact, consent and endurance. Because ethical non-monogamy requires more communication, more accountability, and more repair than monogamy, not less.

This one's for you if:

• Someone has told you to be "better at polyamory" while ignoring your needs, boundaries, or safety
• You're practicing non-monogamy and want relationships grounded in honesty and real consent, not just sophisticated vocabulary
• You're tired of enlightenment language being used to dodge responsibility

Bottom line: Polyamory is not a moral upgrade. Labels don't replace ethics. And your nervous system's response to harm isn't pathology—it's intelligence.

Time to stop making the person experiencing harm responsible for fixing it.

• (00:00:00) - Introduction: Challenging Polyamory Myths
• (00:00:38) - Weaponized Language in Polyamory
• (00:00:49) - The Ethics of Non-Monogamy
• (00:01:25) - Avoiding Accountability in Polyamory
• (00:04:57) - Patterns of Harm in Polyamory
• (00:05:04) - Neglect Framed as Autonomy
• (00:07:22) - Dishonesty Reframed as Privacy
• (00:09:03) - Coercion Disguised as Growth
• (00:14:36) - Building Ethical Polyamory
• (00:22:45) - Conclusion: Embracing Ethical Non-Monogamy

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Power exchange is sexy when it’s chosen. Power over is toxic when it’s stolen. In this episode, we talk about the difference between ethical dominance and coercion, why consent makes power dynamics hotter, and how trauma and ND nervous systems experience surrender. You’ll learn how to spot red flags, practice ethical dominance, and build dynamics that are both safe and deeply erotic.

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• (00:00:00) - Introduction to Power Dynamics
• (00:01:01) - Understanding Power Exchange
• (00:02:15) - Defining Ethical Power Exchange
• (00:05:44) - Recognizing Unhealthy Dynamics
• (00:10:14) - Practicing Ethical Dominance
• (00:15:14) - The Importance of Trust and Consent
• (00:20:16) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

If you like this episode, check out my mini-course on Drop at https://untamedember.com

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You’ve heard of sub drop — the crash after intense play. But tops crash too. In this episode, we explore the neurochemistry of “after”: why dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin swings can leave both tops and subs feeling weepy, anxious, drained, or guilty. We’ll talk about how drop shows up in the body, why it’s normal, and what practices help regulate and repair. Because drop isn’t proof you did it wrong — it’s proof your body went deep.

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• (00:00:00) - Introduction to Drop
• (00:02:03) - Understanding Sub Drop
• (00:03:02) - Understanding Top Drop
• (00:04:39) - The Science Behind Drop
• (00:08:55) - Recognizing Drop Symptoms
• (00:11:54) - Distinguishing Drop from Red Flags
• (00:13:24) - Planning and Managing Drop
• (00:19:25) - Personal Reflections and Rituals
• (00:21:11) - Conclusion and Resources

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Switches get a bad rap as “indecisive” — but the truth is, switching between roles is a skill, and it comes with unique consent challenges. In this episode, we explore what it means to be a switch, how to navigate role changes without confusion or coercion, and why nervous system regulation matters when moving from dominance to submission (or vice versa). With humor, real talk, and trauma-informed insight, I’ll show you how switching can be one of the most creative and liberating dynamics when consent is clear.

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• (00:00:00) - Introduction to Switching Roles
• (00:00:22) - Challenges of Switching Roles
• (00:00:46) - Navigating Role Shifts Safely
• (00:01:25) - Understanding the Switch Identity
• (00:02:09) - Defining a Switch in Kink Culture
• (00:03:37) - Appeal and Benefits of Switching
• (00:05:47) - Consent and Boundaries for Switches
• (00:07:52) - Nervous System and Role Transitions
• (00:10:56) - Practical Tips for Smooth Switching
• (00:16:17) - The Joy and Complexity of Switching
• (00:19:47) - Reflecting on Your Role Preferences
• (00:21:44) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Consensual non-consent (CNC) is one of the edgiest and most misunderstood areas of kink. Done well, it’s cathartic and erotic. Done poorly, it becomes coercion. In this episode, I break down the ethics of CNC: how to negotiate clearly, check capacity, and always have clear off-ramps in place. We’ll talk nervous system safety, why freeze and fawn matter, and how to play with intensity without crossing lines. CNC doesn’t erase consent — it makes it even more central.

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• (00:00:00) - Introduction and Trigger Warning
• (00:01:24) - Understanding Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)
• (00:02:14) - Ethics and Safety in CNC
• (00:03:03) - Basics of CNC: Definitions and Scenarios
• (00:04:28) - Risks and Misconceptions of CNC
• (00:06:49) - Practical Framework for CNC
• (00:11:22) - Importance of Off-Ramps in CNC
• (00:16:04) - Neuroscience and CNC
• (00:20:34) - Personal Reflection and Conclusion

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“Enthusiastic consent” sounds great — but what if your body doesn’t do loud, verbal yeses? For neurodivergent folks, trauma survivors, and anyone who struggles with words in the moment, enthusiasm might look like presence, softness, or subtle signals. In this episode, we unpack what enthusiastic consent really means, why verbal expression isn’t the only valid language of desire, and how to honor body-based yeses and noes. Because consent isn’t about volume — it’s about clarity, congruence, and safety.

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• (00:00:00) - Introduction to Enthusiastic Consent
• (00:00:41) - The Problem with Mainstream Consent Education
• (00:02:25) - Redefining Enthusiastic Consent
• (00:08:12) - Challenges with Verbal Consent
• (00:14:01) - Nonverbal Enthusiastic Consent
• (00:20:05) - Practical Consent Practices
• (00:27:51) - Reflecting on Personal Consent Signals
• (00:30:13) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink. If you’ve been in kink spaces, you’ve heard the acronyms — but what do they mean for nervous-system safety? In this episode, I break down SSC, RACK, and PRICK/SSICK, explore where they succeed and where they fall short, and offer a nervous system lens that makes consent more than words on paper. If you’re neurodivergent, trauma-impacted, or just craving clarity, you’ll learn how to translate these frameworks into embodied practice so consent is real, not theoretical.

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• (00:00:00) - Introduction to Embodied Consent
• (00:01:59) - Understanding SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual
• (00:04:30) - The Evolution to RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink
• (00:05:56) - Introducing PRICK and SSICK Frameworks
• (00:07:25) - The Role of the Nervous System in Consent
• (00:20:25) - Practical Applications of Nervous System Aware Consent
• (00:28:24) - Creating Community Support for Embodied Consent
• (00:30:30) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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ADHD meds can be a lifesaver for focus, productivity, and stability — but no one tells you what they might do to your sex life. Lowered desire, delayed arousal, harder-to-reach orgasms… it’s a thing, and it’s not your fault. In this episode, I talk about how stimulant medications interact with sexual response, why neurodivergent brains often experience sex differently, and what strategies can help you adapt without shame. From timing your intimacy to sensory amplifiers to honest scripts with partners, this is about reclaiming agency and keeping pleasure alive — meds or no meds.

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• (00:00:00) - Introduction: ADHD Meds and Sexuality
• (00:02:04) - Understanding ADHD and Sexuality
• (00:05:31) - The Impact of ADHD Medications
• (00:09:26) - The Silence Around Sexual Side Effects
• (00:14:35) - Navigating Sexuality on ADHD Meds
• (00:19:44) - Partner Support and Communication
• (00:21:32) - Advocating for Your Sexual Health
• (00:23:34) - Reflection and Closing Thoughts