My general reaction to those little life lessons, the AFOGs, has not been delight. Instead, I’ve often felt affronted or like I’ve messed up or failed.

I’m starting to see how to meet those lessons a little differently, though: with joy. Which means I have to laugh at myself, and at the ancient, cement-like, internal structures that feel like they kept me safe…and are no longer useful.

Which isn’t easy, but is at least more and more possible. Because no matter how hard the lesson – no matter how painful those knocks on the nose – when there’s joy instead of offense and ease instead of despair, it feels like the opposite of failure. It feels like freedom.

It feels supportive to share about what we’ve read or come to understand about kindness and connection. I’m as guilty as the next person of doing that – probably more guilty. Just ask me – I’m happy to share.

But the real wisdom is in walking the walk. If I’m talking about how we belong to one another but in my next move, I’m in a “we/they” conversation, how is that helpful? If I’m not only acknowledging but embracing everyone, things can shift.

This kind of mindfulness “on the ground” feels aspirational. It also might be our only way out of the mess we’ve created.

Creating happiness when so much seems to be crumbling before our very eyes – sometimes that feels like a challenge. But what works for me is the moment-to-moment feedback loop.

When I speak and act with goodness, even in conflictual or adversarial moments, the goodness makes me feel happier. Not happier because I’ve given something up – I’m not doing that – I’m standing my ground – but happier because I’m standing my ground with generosity or curiosity.

When I forget to do that – when hatred or greed gets the better of me, which is definitely not never – it feels pretty terrible. When I remember, there really is happiness. It’s something to check out, this personal feedback loop. And see if it works for you, too. See if it brings you a little moment-to-moment happiness in this crazy world.