Who was the very first person to ever wear pants? Buckle up, because we're ending season one the only way we know how — by screaming about leg tubes. Picture some chilly, bare-legged ancestor staring down at the two perfectly good limbs flapping in the wind and going "what if. Now hear me out. What if I trapped each one. In its own personal fabric tunnel." TWO tunnels. A waist sationation holding it all together. A garment so unhinged it took over the entire planet. Was it warmth? Was it modesty? Was it a man who got tired of riding horses and crying? Did the village laugh him out of town before every single one of them quietly, shamefully, slid into their own pair of leg tubes? WE DON'T KNOW. We didn't look it up. We have not looked up a single thing all season and we are not about to start at the finale.

This is it. The end. Twelve episodes of two men confidently inventing the history of everything, and we're going out on PANTS — and we wouldn't change a thing. Thank you for riding this fever dream with us. Keep those "who did it first?" questions coming, because we are absolutely doing this again, and we will be exactly this wrong next time too.

Season one: complete. Nothing learned. Everything claimed.

100% unverified. As always.

Who was the very first person to ever start a conga line? Picture it — a party's going, and one person grabs the hips of the person in front of them, who grabs the hips of the person in front of them, and suddenly there's a human train snaking through the room for no reason anyone can explain. Who started it? Why did everyone just... join? What deranged confidence does it take to grab a stranger and shout "EVERYONE LINE UP BEHIND ME"? We don't know, and we didn't look it up. This week we follow the chain back to history's first conga captain — the original "grab on and don't ask questions" — with the confidence of two men who would absolutely be the awkward part of the line that breaks off.

100% unverified. As always.

Got a "who did it first?" question? Mail it in.

Who was the very first person to ever dance? At some point a human heard a rhythm — a drumbeat, a bird, their own heartbeat — and just started moving. No steps. No training. No idea if it looked good. Just a body wiggling around while everyone else watched and went "...what is he doing?" Was it joy? Was it a trance? Was the first dance actually just a guy who stepped on something hot? We don't know, and we didn't look it up. This week we boogie back to the origins of busting a move — the founding father of the dance floor — with the confidence of two men with absolutely no rhythm between them.

100% unverified. As always.

Got a "who did it first?" question? Mail it in.