You care about the team you lead. You say yes more often than you should. You take on the extra work so your team doesn’t have to. And now you’re running on empty.

Kristen Hadeed knows that place well. She started Student Maid at 19 to buy a pair of jeans. Forty-five people quit on her in one day. She wrote a bestseller about it. Then, more than a decade in, she caught her reflection in a window and didn’t recognize the person looking back.

In this episode, host Tyler Dickerhoof, and Kristen Hadeed dig into the belief that was causing her to drown in shame: “It’s my job to keep people happy.” Where it started. What it cost her. And how she let it go.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to spot the hidden belief driving your leadership decisions
• Why saying no is kind, both to you and to the other person
• The weekly 1–10 capacity check-in Kristen’s team uses to stop burnout before it starts
• Why Navy SEALs train at an 8, not a 10
• How to stop feeling like you have to earn rest
• One simple question that helps you trust your own answer
• A three-line mirror exercise that changes how you talk to yourself

Connect with Kristen:

Website: https://www.kristenhadeed.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenhadeed/
Subscribe to The Impact Driven Leader Newsletter: https://impactdrivenleader.beehiiv.com/subscribe

Join The Lead Without Hiding Challenge: https://www.tylerdickerhoof.com/lwh-challenge

Some of the most complacent leaders are also the hardest working.

That sounds backward. But Marty Hofmann learned that drive and complacency can be the same thing. When you're always chasing the next result, you never stop long enough to be present with the people right in front of you.

Marty grew up on a farm in Iowa, spent eight years as a youth pastor, and built a $15 million real estate portfolio that started with a single $5,000 duplex. He's the author of Kill Complacency, host of the podcast by the same name, and founder of The Forge, a community that helps people stop drifting and build their lives on purpose.

He's also a guy whose wife once told him, "I'm over this." He had been providing for his family without being present with them.

In this conversation, Tyler and Marty talk about the hidden cost of being "Rammy," the word Marty's family used for pushing through people to get results. They get into why validation drives so many leaders, what it cost Marty with his older kids, and the simple practice that turned his life around.

The answer to complacency isn't working harder. It's being intentional.

In this episode:

• Why drive and complacency are often the same problem
• What it means to be results-oriented instead of people-oriented, and what it costs you
• The string illustration: why you can't push people, you have to lead from the front
• Marty's 7 F framework: faith, family, fitness, future self, finance, friends and fun
• How five years of tracked Monday date nights rebuilt his marriage
• Starting with your future self and working backward to today
• Where his need for validation came from as one of ten kids
• The one thing to do first if you sense you're drifting

Resources:

• Marty's book, website and resources: killcomplacency.com
• Kill Complacency on Amazon
• Lead Without Hiding monthly challenge: leadwithouthiding.com

Warning: This episode includes a detailed account of a violent assault. It also mentions sexual assault, eating disorders, and growing up with alcoholic parents.

On the morning of June 16, 2022, Erika Rothenberger pushed back a meeting by 15 minutes. She texted her kids to have a great day. Then she pulled into the parking lot she had used for over 10 years.

A man she had never seen before was waiting.

What happened next changed everything.

Erika is a civil engineer. She has spent more than 20 years in construction, where only about 11% of the workers are women. She had the hard hat, the corner office, the family. She thought she was living a big, bold life. What happened to her that day in June showed her she had been playing it safe. She had also been packing years of pain into a dark "basement" she never meant to open.

In this conversation, Erika sits down with show host and longtime friend Tyler Dickerhoof. She tells the story of what happened to her that day and the three and a half years of trials that came after.

She also shares the moment in her backyard, hood up and body bruised, when her children's laughter reminded her she had a choice. She could stay a victim. She could survive. Or she could thrive.

She chose to thrive. The thing that carried her through was human connection: her husband, her sister, her friends, and people she barely knew who showed up.

Erika and Tyler also talk about:

• What leading in a male-populated industry taught her, and what she learned from a female-populated one
• The drawing exercise that showed her what she had been hiding
• Why trauma always finds a way out, and why facing it head-on matters
• The pink rubber band and how discomfort builds resilience
• Why grace sits in the middle of "grit, grace, and glitz," and why it's the part most leaders skip
• A mentor's question she still asks herself: "Do you want to win the battle and lose the war?"
• Her BOLD method for turning your hardest story into a light for someone else

Everyone gets a wake-up call. Erika's came in a parking lot. Yours may look different, but the choice is the same: what will you do with it?

Mentioned in this episode
Audacious Expansion by Erika Rothenberger
Grit, Grace & Glitz podcast
Audacious Woman Summit

Connect with Erika
erikarothenberger.com

Connect with Tyler
Tyler@TylerDickerhoof.com