The Tower You Built Around Yourself | Ft. Toby DeMoss copertina

The Tower You Built Around Yourself | Ft. Toby DeMoss

The Tower You Built Around Yourself | Ft. Toby DeMoss

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 Episode SummaryMost men aren't just disconnected from others — they're disconnected from themselves. And according to Toby DeMoss — musician, artist, and a man who survived a traumatic brain and neck injury, a devastating breakup, disability rejection, and a panic attack alone in a shower — the word that sits at the root of every problem men are facing today is one: isolation.Not the kind you notice. The quiet kind. The kind where you're still showing up, still functioning, still looking good in the glass — but rotting on the inside like a dead turtle in a mason jar. Toby tells three of the most vivid, honest, and unexpectedly funny stories this podcast has ever heard. And by the end, the diagnosis is clear — and so is the cure.Guest Toby DeMoss — Musician, artist, storyteller, and man of faith based in West Palm Beach, Florida. Toby has walked through chronic pain, identity collapse, and deep isolation — and come out the other side with a framework for honesty that is both clinically wise and spiritually rooted.Chapters00:00 — The One Question: Isolation00:43 — The Three-Headed Problem — Three Stories to Explain It01:25 — Story 1: The Half-Truth Journal — Lying to Yourself05:38 — Story 2: Bruno the Turtle — Looking Fine Until Someone Gets Close08:35 — The Brain Injury Nobody Knew the Extent Of33:37 — God, I Give You One Week — Isaiah 1 and the Turning Point37:57 — Suffering Is the Bridge From Immaturity to Maturity41:50 — Story 3: Rapunzel — The Panic Attack in the Shower45:33 — The Roommate Who Didn't Wait to Be Invited In01:04:26 — The Victor Hugo Move: Get Alone and Get Honest01:06:36 — Isolation From God — What Communion Actually MeansKey Topics CoveredIsolation From Self — The first head of the problem. Men are so schedule-maxed and scroll-addicted that they never give themselves blank space to be honest about how they're actually doing. Toby calls it lying to your journal — telling yourself the story you want to be true instead of the one that is.Bruno the Turtle — One of the most memorable analogies this show has ever had. A dead turtle Toby found on the beach looked beautiful in a glass jar — right up until someone got close enough to tap on it. Men do the same thing. They look fine from the outside. But if no one ever gets close enough to check, the decay goes unnoticed until it's too late.Isolation From Others — The second head. Men suffer alone because they believe no one will understand. Toby names this as the lie of Mother Gothel — the voice that says it's safer in the tower. The cure isn't going to therapy. Sometimes it's a roommate who doesn't wait to be invited in.The Traumatic Brain Injury and Identity Collapse — Toby's personal story is raw and gripping. A neck and brain injury took away his photography business, his athletics, and his sense of self — all at once. He gave God one week. He opened to Isaiah 1. And something broke open.Suffering Is the Bridge — Romans 5 lived out in real time. Toby traces how suffering produces perseverance, which produces character, which produces hope. Not as a platitude — as a testimony from someone who had to live it in a dark room with a noise machine on.Isolation From God — The third and deepest head. Communion with God isn't a structured quiet time. It's honest conversation. Toby's definition of communion — the sharing and exchanging of intimate feelings — reframes what prayer is actually supposed to look like for men.The Victor Hugo Move — Victor Hugo locked himself in a room with nothing but a gray shawl and wrote Les Misérables. Toby applies the same principle: create margins on the page, get alone with Jesus, and let honesty do its work.Scriptures ReferencedIsaiah 1:18 — Come now, let us reason togetherPsalm 25 — The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear himPsalm 62 — Pour your hearts out to the LordPsalm 19 — The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soulGalatians 6:2 — Bear one another's burdensJohn 15 — No longer servants but friendsRomans 5 — Suffering produces perseverance, character, hopeKey Quotes"The problem is isolation. The answer is honesty." — Toby"Are you lying to your journal? Telling stories to yourself that aren't true?" — Toby"You might look amazing from the outside — but someone needs to get close enough to tap on the glass." — Toby"Safety breeds honesty and creativity." — Toby"Suffering is a bridge from immaturity to maturity." — Toby"Get alone with Jesus more often. Create some margins on that page." — Toby"Plans fail for lack of counsel — but with many advisors they succeed." — Toby (Proverbs 15:22)Practical TakeawaysCreate white space in your day — blank, unscheduled time to be honest with yourself about how you're actually doingIf you're in a good place right now, go find someone who seems down and tap on the glassGet alone with God and pour it all out — not trickles, not formalities, the real stuff
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