“Be not afeard: the isle is full of noises, sounds and sweet airs, that give delight, and hurt not.”

Have you ever waited for a reply to your email and panicked after five minutes that the person hasn't got back to you because they've been made so angry by it they're never going to talk to you again, ever? Or been ever so slightly concerned when someone leaves an AI company because he's 10 per cent convinced they're about to destroy humanity, including you, your best mate and the entire neighbourhood?

It's okay my friend, let me take you by the hand and lead you, gently, to a place of rational equanimity. With a bit of help from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. CBT is a simple easy-to-apply therapy developed in the 1960s that helps you to take your darkest thoughts and dial them down to something you can cope with - but guess what, the whole thing is based on a singe line of Shakespeare's that's guaranteed to calm you an instant. I'd love to tell you what it is but in ye ancient time-honoured tradition of clickbait I'm afraid you have to listen to the show to find out what it is.

Listen to how Brutus justifies killing Julius Caesar and work out that in order to take action you don't necessarily have to go down the 'assassinate the supreme leader' route.

Plays mentioned in this episode are Hamlet and Julius Caesar, which are more than enough to solve all your cognitive behavioural issues.

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"Whiles I am a beggar, I will say there is no sin but to be rich; and being rich, shall say there is no vice but beggary."

Why don't we ever talk about money? Especially if we're struggling with it. It's because we feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed. We're made to feel bad for wanting to borrow a few quid while giant American corporations are literally throwing billions of dollars at a bunch of middle aged sci-fi nerds even as they explain that their plan is to inadvertently destroy humanity. We really do have the most ridiculous attitude to money don't we.

This week, I'm hoping with the help of Shakespeare to develop a healthier attitude to money, explain why our emotions are so tied in to our financial transactions, and to come to terms with not having as much as we like. Oh and explain why 'neither a borrower or a lender be' is crap advice. (Shakespeare understood that. And he also had a dad who was terrible with money. Luckily for dad his son was minting it from an early age).

Plays mentioned in today's show: The Merchant of Venice (yes I know, it's a show about the money, money, money), Timon of Athens, King Lear, and a selection of financial sounding Sonnets.

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“O horror, horror, horror! Tongue nor heart cannot conceive nor name thee!”

Do you ever find yourself scrolling down your phone and stopping only when something truly terrifying grabs your attention? (You do know that's the economic model for these platforms don't you? You know they're not deliberately trying to scare you, it's just they know your old brain is wired to read the grim stuff so that you stay on their platform and generously hand over you data to them.)

Has there ever been a more anxious time to be a member of the human race? Actually yes in Shakespeare's time they had several plagues, a climate disaster, forever wars, fears of big food shortages and angry men arriving at ports to shout at the immigrants fleeing in boats across the English Channel.

This week I'm hoping to bring your anxiety levels down from "aaarrggghh" to "ahh", although removing all those rrrgggs was made harder when half way through writing one of those Large Language Model companies currently burning a hole in the whole of America's finances gleefully announced that they were developing a machine that could probably wipe out all of humanity in the next few years or so.

Don't Panic. Keep Calm and try not to get too stressed by those annoying tea towels that urge you to keep calm and grow a bonsai tree or whatever. You can start by breathing gently, being aware of your physical needs, but also by seeing how a number of Shakespeare characters coped with the stress of plagues, angry kings and heavy crowns.

Plays featured in this episode are Hamlet, Henry the Fourth, Much Ado About Nothing (for the first time I'm delighted to say), Romeo and Juliet, Othello, King Lear, Macbeth - all the big anxious heavyweights there.

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“O I have suffered with those that I saw suffer.’

We’re all only trying to be reasonable aren’t we, and yet the whole direction of discourse over the last decade has been steered by half a dozen social media dudes and their platforms towards certainty about our own beliefs and hostility towards anyone who disagrees with us.

In this episode I'm looking at empathy. What is it? Should we have more? Or is there already too much?

Shakespeare was brilliant at showing both sides of every argument, and I am hoping this week to use his skills at this to ensure that we find the right balance. I feel like I learn something new every episode I write of this, and I feel like I've learned a little more about how to appreciate the views of people I disagree with.

Not least with the Bard himself, whose play The Merchant of Venice made my school life a misery.

Plays featured in this episode: Measure for Measure, Julius Caesar, As You Like It and yes, The Merchant of Venice, previously known in this household as The Schoolboy Taunting of Cohen.

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"I have touched the highest point of all my greatness."

Have you ever thought about how great it would be to be great? Who among us doesn't at the very least aspire to being the best at what we do?

You may be familiar with the Shakespeare line "Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon 'em". Its popularity has been helped because it chimes with everything we read on the internet that offers advice or solutions for improving our lives.

The problem is - it's a scam.

It's what we might call fake muse - like so much of the internet, and the Large Language Models that are talking to us like the servile robots they are, tugging their metal forelocks and congratulating us for asking them such brilliant questions. The quote comes from a letter designed to flatter and trick the reader, Malvolio, into thinking his boss loves him.

Everywhere you look on the internet is motivational advice telling you that with hard work, discipline and application you can become truly great, but this fails to address the most important question - what do we mean by greatness?

This week I'll be reframing the definition of greatness. I'm not promising that I can help you run the hundred metres in less than ten seconds, but by the end of the show you'll have a better understanding of what it means to be truly great, and how you might be able to achieve it.

Oh and I'll explain how I was scammed this week just like Malvolio.

Plays featured in this episode are Twelfth Night, Twelfth Night and Twelfth Night, with a sprinkling of Hamlet and The Tempest and special guest appearance of Falstaff.

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"Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting."

Have you ever agreed to do something for someone while your whole body was screaming NO! Are you scared of the consequences of disappointing the people closest to you?

Well hello there friend, come and join me here at SOPPY - the Society Of People Pleasing Yes-men. I've always been a people-pleaser and you know what, there've been a few times when it's been really useful. People liked me - which was very helpful for the job I did for ten years of stand-up comedian, and I was pretty good at defusing potentially difficult situations. But on other occasions I've put other people's needs ahead of my own, or taken responsibility for other people's emotions, and there comes a time when you have to prioritise yourself.

There's a simple and obvious way to turn people-pleasing to your advantage that I've never seen anyone try but it works for me.

I'm hoping that by the end of the episode you'll have learned to check in on your emotions next time you find yourself saying yes when you mean no; you'll learn the power of 'let me get back to you on that' and you'll understand how to sit with your discomfort.

Just hoping, thanks to the Shakespeare Mindset I'm no longer judging my own self-worth on whether or not I make you happy. (But I will be delighted if you succeed. Old habits die hard, or as Bruce Willis would say, die hard too.)

Plays mentioned in this episode are Antony and Cleopatra, Hamlet, Timon of Athens, King Lear, Coriolanus and Tybalt & Mercutio, otherwise known as Romeo & Juliet.

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"So full of artless jealousy is guilt,

It spills itself in fearing to be spilt."

Jealousy can take many different forms, nearly all of which can be found in a single Shakespeare play, how we can spot it in others and heaven forbid, even in ourselves - and together we’re going to come clean about our resentful feelings in this department, and see if we can find a way, if not to avoid it completely at least to share space with it like the uncle who annoys you at Christmas but who you can cope with from a distance for the rest of the year.

I think you're likely to know which play I'm talking about - it's pretty much the set text of jealousy - yet Othello isn't the most jealous character in the play. Ooh given away which play it is now.

Key Shakeaways

1 The last person to admit they're jealous is usually you. By which I mean me. All of us. You know what I'm talking about here. Acknowledge the feelings, suppressing them won't make them go away.

2 Do what Shakespeare's characters did (along with Elsa): let it go. Let it GO!

3 Follow the advice of Orlando in As You Like It, stop worrying about other people and concentrate on your own life.

Shakespeare plays referred to in this episode:

Othello, The Winter's Tale, As You Like It

Other jealous references:

A famous John Lennon song. I'm sure you won't struggle to 'imagine' which one. (No, not that one)

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"Knowing I lov'd my books, he furnish'd me From mine own library with volumes that I prize above my dukedom."

Do you love to read, but only on your phone? Reading books is a key way to making us less anxious. If only we could spend more time with our heads buried in a good book - then again there's always a danger people will think we're a skinny little swot who should stop reading and go out and do something.

Along the way you'll discover the

Key Shakeaways

which are:

1 Shakespeare was a voracious reader but sometimes he has a bit of a downer on it - in other words, read what others have to say, but you don't always have to agree with what you read, and you can make your own mind up.

2 it's not difficult to make it a daily habit, even if it's only ten minutes or so to begin with and

3 why stepping away from your phone & immersing yourself in the paper version of a book not only stops you being constantly distracted, but also makes you better at concentrating.

Shakespeare plays referred to in this episode:

Julius Caesar, Richard III, The Tempest, Hamlet.

Other books that also get a look-in:

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to The Galaxy, Aristotle's Politics. Warning: occasional reference to Mein Kampf - which, to be fair, is actually a book.

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