The sign says pay by app. There's a machine right there. It's got a garbage bag over its head like it's being kidnapped.

No letter this week. This one's mine. I want somebody to tell me when leaving my car in a rectangle became a relationship. The dentist has a portal. Your kid's school has four apps. The menu is a sticker on the table and it wants to send you notifications.

The password that can't be one you've used before, and I've used them all. Pressing "I agree" to God knows what. Typing sixteen digits with a wet thumb while a guy in a pickup waits for your spot. The dollar ninety-nine convenience fee, and whose convenience that is exactly. "How was your parking experience?" It was a rectangle. Sal, the man in the booth who used to be the app. And the scammers putting fake QR stickers on parking machines, which works because the real ones already look like a scam.

And I'm in this one. I have an app. Every sponsor discount on this show lives in it. I could just say the code into the microphone. I'm not going to.

Then the part that actually gets me. Do all of that at seventy-five, with coins, holding a toonie up to a machine that hasn't had a slot in years. Next time you see her, don't point at the sign. Put her plate in your app. You already work there.

This episode is brought to you by Tommy Gun's Original Barbershop in Maple. Ten percent off your first visit: grab the code in the free BTC Magazine app (App Store or Google Play).

THE DAD DIARIES, my memoir, is out now. It's the story of how I became a father to my girls and everything it took to get there. Signed copies at thedaddiaries.com, also on Amazon and Indigo.

This is Joseph Tito, and I bitch so you don't have to.

Got a mess of your own? Send it to info@jeopublishing.com.

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Bitch Fest is a Between the Covers production.