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The Most Valuable Thing We Do

The Most Valuable Thing We Do

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Here's the strange math of parenting: you pour everything you have into a person, and success looks like them leaving you.

We started this one after a day of one-on-one dates with our three boys, asking the most basic question there is — what does it actually mean to be a good parent? Turns out we don't answer it the same way. One of us sees the rule. The other sees every feeling underneath it, on both sides, all at once. Guess which one the boys listen to?

There's the one time one of us spanked our two-year-old, and why it never happened again. The four words that quietly offended a grandmother. The business-class flight where a crying baby felt like a verdict on us. And how "good dad" went from the Youngstown steel-mill version to whatever it is we're trying to be now.

We don't have the answer. We get it wrong every single day — and we apologize to our kids more than our parents ever would have.

Pull up a chair.

The question we leave on the table: What makes a good parent — and would your kids answer it the same way you would?

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