In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day are talking harvest season and what it takes to clear the ground before you can grow what you actually want. If this year didn't go the way you planned, the missteps, bad decisions, and regrets you keep replaying might be the weeds choking out your next season. Some of it has to be ripped up by the root, and that starts with forgiving yourself.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn unpack why your relationship with yourself is the operating system for every other relationship, why grace and accountability go hand in hand, and how rumination keeps you chewing on the past without ever processing it. From shame spirals and parenting regrets to money decisions made before a layoff, a Scarlet Letter detour, and the oldest-daughter burden, they show the difference between the leaves (overgiving, overworking, people-pleasing, overspending) and the roots underneath them: the beliefs that you're only worthy when you're earning, proving, or being perfect.

This one is for the high achiever who has become her own biggest bully. You'll also hear how to tell whether you need a therapist, a coach, or both, and why pulling bad roots is only half the work. The other half is nourishing the roots you want to keep. Pick one thing to forgive, one root to pull, and one to cultivate. We're on the journey with you.

Resources Mentioned:

The Well Counseling Group https://thewellcounselinggroup.com/

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Forgiving yourself isn't excusing, justifying, or pretending it didn't happen. It's choosing to stop punishing yourself.

• Your relationship with yourself is the operating system for how you relate to everyone else.

• If it's hard to forgive, trust, or stop judging others, look at how you treat yourself.

• Grace and accountability go hand in hand: own what happened, then decide how you'll show up now.

• Rumination is chewing without swallowing. Nothing gets processed, so nothing moves.

• You're meditating any time you give something consistent, focused attention. Choose what gets it.

• You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time.

• Overgiving, overworking, and people-pleasing are leaves. The root is a belief about your worth.

• Pull the roots that don't serve you, and water the ones that do.

• Therapy works from the past forward; coaching works from the present forward. You may need one or both.

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day (fresh off realizing "Walk It Out" is twenty years old) are talking about the gap between what you say you want and the steps you're actually taking. Whatever fight you've been invited into right now, whether financial, relational, medical, or career, the message is simple: don't just talk it out. Walk it out.

Using David and Goliath as their anchor, the hosts explore adversity as an invitation, Mama D's "pray, believe, act, in that order," and why your present reality is really your past showing up. They cover putting tape on your mouth so you don't speak against your prayers, Peter keeping his eyes locked on Jesus, vision books, the reticular activating system, and counting answered prayers in real time. Elizabeth opens up about her IVF journey, Calvalyn shares her million-dollar-a-day exercise, and together they make the case to prepare for what you're praying for.

This one speaks to the Black and brown women who keep serving and showing up even when life doesn't look the way they hoped, including the sister who isn't at the vision book stage yet. Bible believer or not, eat the meat and spit out the bone: life still takes faith, hope, and one small step at a time.

Resources Mentioned:

"Walk It Out" — Unk (2006)

David and Goliath — 1 Samuel 17

Peter Walks on Water — Matthew 14

Dr. Joe Dispenza — author and teacher on mindset and the future self

Dr. Bill Winston — pastor and teacher

Rachel Rodgers — business coach (Instagram post referenced)

The Color Purple — Alice Walker (Miss Sophia)

Redefining with Calvalyn — Calvalyn's Substack (link in show notes)

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Adversity can be an invitation to step into a higher level of your own power.

• Pray, believe, act, in that order.

• If you can't believe for the whole thing, believe for a piece of it, or just for today.

• Your present is the result of your past. Don't let it distract you from your future.

• Stop speaking against your prayers. Sometimes the most faithful move is to stay quiet.

• Look for the answered prayers already in your life, even the noisy, inconvenient ones.

• Whatever you pay attention to grows. Your brain will show you more of it.

• Use your past wins as evidence. You've beaten the lion and the bear before.

• Prepare for what you're praying for. If 20 clients called today, would you be ready?

• Confidence comes from action, and small steps beat sweeping overhauls.

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day return for Part 2 of their two-part series on the lies Black women have believed, picking up right where they left off to unpack the final three. This installment digs into the belief that our worth is tied to how much we carry for everyone else, and the hosts don't pull any punches.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn walk through Lie #5, that you have to hold everybody down, exploring caregiving, the black tax, survivor's remorse, and the fear of disappointing family, including Elizabeth's own story about the year money was tight at Christmas. They move into Lie #6, the belief that ambition is a betrayal of your community, using real talk about MC Hammer, Toni Braxton, Willow Smith, and a classic A Different World callback to unpack how loyalty and ambition get tangled. They close with Lie #7, that you're only worthy of conditional love, including Calvalyn's unforgettable chitlins story and a real conversation about what Black women actually deserve in love.

This episode speaks directly to the woman who has built her identity around being needed, the caregiver, the provider, the one everyone calls on, who is starting to wonder who she is outside of that role. Elizabeth and Calvalyn's core message: you don't owe anyone your smallness, your silence, or your self-neglect. You are worthy of love and a full life exactly as you are.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You're allowed to stop holding everybody down. Caregiving shouldn't cost you your own well-being.

• Overgiving is self-neglect with lipstick on. If you're always saying yes to others and no to yourself, pay attention.

• You don't have to earn your place in your family, your job, or your relationship by staying small.

• Your ambition isn't a betrayal of the people you love. It's a right you're allowed to claim.

• You don't have to choose between loyalty and your own dreams.

• Notice the unspoken obligation to fund or fix everyone else's life. It's worth questioning where it came from.

• You are worthy of love exactly as you are, cooking skills, hair length, income, and all, optional.

• Real love doesn't require you to shrink, perform, or prove your worth through service.

• If you don't know who you are outside of what you do for other people, that's worth sitting with.

• Evaluate the beliefs you were raised with. Keep what serves you and release what doesn't.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome Back: Continuing the Lies We've Believed

01:53 Lie #5: You Have to Hold Everybody Down

03:27 Elizabeth's Christmas Story and the Cost of Caregiving Identity

07:52 Overgiving Is Self-Neglect With Lipstick On

12:12 Signs You're Disrupting Your Own Life to Caregive

13:59 Lie #6: Your Ambition Is a Threat

14:51 A Different World, MC Hammer, and the Weight of Success

20:29 Are You Living a Life You Actually Want?

24:15 Lie #7: You're Only Worthy of Conditional Love

25:33 Calvalyn's Chitlins Story

29:57 You Are Worthy of Love Exactly As You Are

32:44 Closing: Choosing the Truths That Serve You