The Losses Nobody Sends a Card For
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The Losses Nobody Sends a Card For
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Nobody died. So why does it feel like a funeral?
You found a birthday card in a drawer — her real handwriting, the looping kind she learned in 1953 — and it put you on the floor. Meanwhile you handled the fall, the argument about the car, and the call from the bank dry-eyed. And afterward you felt foolish, because she's alive, she's in the next room, and you're grieving anyway.
Marcus Aurelius wrote that "loss is nothing else but change." Read one way, that's cold comfort. Read the other way, it's permission — because if loss is change, then the changes are losses. Her handwriting. His driving. The way she used to say your name. Every one of them was a real loss that never got called one, never got grieved, and went into a drawer instead.
In this episode, Esther makes the case that what you've been calling "changes" deserve to be grieved — and offers three things you can try this week to give that grief a name and a place to go.
Because when someone dies, people bring food. When your mother stops recognizing your voice on the phone, nobody sends anything. You just make dinner.
The Stoic Caregiver book series — three short volumes, sixty lessons — is available at TheStoicCaregiver.com.