Two leaders in a long-running feud both want the fighting to stop but cannot find their way to peace. Their coach gives them each homework to quiet the ill intent they ascribe to the other, allowing respect to emerge.

It’s hard to stop fighting with a person who feels like sour milk.

Tom’s three steps to help stop a fight are:

1. Self-awareness – how are you contributing to keeping the fight going
2. Choose a different mindset – stop justifying your anger
3. Self-Management – choose new behavior
   
   

If you want to work on SELF-AWARENESS, you might listen to:

# 204 Blind Spots

# 209 How to Build Self-Awareness

# 103 Self-Awareness & Self-Management

# 190 Thinking Errors

If you want to more tools to STOP FIGHTING, you might listen to:

# 221 Conflict

# 222 The Conflict Conversation

# 235 The Conflict Resolution Wheel

# 189 “Don’t Take Anything Personally”

# 260 How to Guarantee Psychological Safety

If you’re curious about coaching, reach out to Tom here.

Our monthly email always has additional resources.

A transcript of the episode is here.

It’s always wonderful to hear from you. Thanks for being such a great audience.

Everyone here at The Look & Sound of Leadership is enormously grateful for you!

Until next month, be well!

A highly effective leader finds herself in the middle of a terrible mess, not of her own making. When her coach marvels at her ability to stay calm amidst the chaos, she shares a lesson she learned from her dad.

Tools and concepts in this episode:

“People are doing their best” embodies acceptance, and acceptance creates better outcomes.

Quiet cycles of doubt by:

1. Clarify what exactly are you upset about;
2. Identify what you feel about having those feelings;
3. Decide what action you want to take.

Listen to the stories you tell yourself. If you hear villains and victims, are most likely ascribing bad intent. Don’t make up stories that create adversaries.

In addition to the tools discussed during this episode, Tom also talks about:

“Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.”

Conversations with Coaches – Episode #184

Executive Coaching Special Interest Group

The Feeling Word Grid

This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:

Managing Yourself

Perception – How You Perceive Yourself

Self-Talk

Five episodes to help you command a room:

109 - Building Emotional Intelligence

246 - Coaching versus Therapy

152 - Combating Emotional Hijacks

189 - “Don’t Take Anything Personally”

263 - Leading When Ego at the Top is Unchecked

All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.

Your reviews supporting the show help us continue as an ad-free podcast.

Let us know how we can support you.

Until next month, be well!

Thanks from Tom and The Look & Sound of Leadership team.

A chief officer reflects on the burdens of senior leadership. While grateful for its privileges, he’s keenly aware his title can put up barriers between himself and others.

Typical burdens of leadership:

• People put up barriers because of your power;
• You are a public figure and will get judged, often harshly;
• You are always on display;
• Feeling entitled because of your heavy lifting.

Tom suggests three tips to help you manage your power:

1. Get conscious about your power;
2. Share selectively;
3. Be humble.

Resources for humilty:

Humility as Strength

Humble Inquiry

If you’re like Michelle and feel yourself being star struck in the face of corporate celebrity, these episodes might help:

252 - How to Build Self-Esteem

219 - How to Set Boundaries

241 - Conquering People Pleasing

JOIN US FOR DINNER!

Tuesday, September 1, 2026, Irvine, California.

Join Tom and Coaching for Leaders host Dave Stachowiak for a lively gathering.

Find out more and reserve your space here.

Got questions? Shoot Tom an email here.

Sign up for our monthly resources here.

Want to explore Leadership & Power?

Related Library Categories:

Leadership

Managing Yourself

Perception – How You’re Perceived

Related Episodes

189 - “Don’t Take Anything Personally”

128 - The Honorable Executive

252 - How to Build Self-Esteem

210 - How to Grow Your Self-Management

231 - Staying Afloat in a Shitstorm

A transcript of this month’s episode is here.

Thanks for being in touch!

All of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership are grateful for you!