I have been coaching a lot recently on why people find it difficult to enforce their boundaries.

The truth is, setting a boundary is easy, but enforcing it is the hard bit. Most people have it wrong, they think then when they tell someone not to interrupt them, that the person will then, not interrupt them.

The reality is that people will cross your boundaries and it's up to you to enforce them.

Now, often people don't enforce their boundaries because of the fear of upsetting the other person and not being liked, but recently I have noticed another reason - The need to be needed!

Often we complain that we are being constantly interrupted but if that person goes to someone else for help, we question why they didn't come to us. Suddenly we feel less important and not so valued.

This is what we discuss today, because as long as you 'need' something you will be dependent on it, and what we are dependent on we try and control.

Our brain favours stimulus and response because in our primitive days we couldn't wait around to see if something was going to kill us or not; we had to err on the side of caution. Also, thinking takes energy and our primitive brain wants to conserve energy.

Now though, most situations we deal with require rational thought and just responding to events and feelings makes our life harder. It makes us gain weight, drink too much caffeine and drives a wedge between the people we love most.

You could be reaching for the chocolate bar, getting distracted by emails and messages or snapping at the kids. All of these are examples of where we are responding without thinking before we act.

In this episode I will show you how to change if you want to. I say 'want to' because you don't have to change, you get to stay as you are. In my experience, the only people who change are those that want to and have a compelling reason 'why'.

I will show you the 4 easy steps to change which are:

1. Awareness

2. Act

3. Feel discomfort

4. Measure progress

Hope it's helpful.

I've never had anyone come to me in burnout yet who hasn't complained of not being able to switch off.

We think it is a work problem but it's not, it's a brain problem.

It is not even actually a problem, it's just our brain trying to protect us, creating fear if we don't check our emails or do more work and then we reward it by doing it which then perpetuates the cycle.

Suddenly we tell oursleves that we have a job that means we can't switch off but really this is just our ego talking. Our ego needs to feel needed and convinces us that we are indispensable and that if we are not working all the time everything will fall apart.

What we are actually creating is an environment perfect for burnout and exhaustion, not just for us but for everyone that looks up to us and works under us. People do what they see not what you tell them.

The simple truth is that if you don't switch off it will cost you. If you want to keep telling yourself that you can't switch off then just accept the price. That price might be your health, your partner or your relationship with your kids but everything has a price tag and you have to accept it.

When you remove your ego from the equation and allow yourself to switch off you think clearer, make better decisions and are more productive which means you don't have to work such long hours. What does your ego think of that though, if you were coming into work at a reasonable time, finishing at a reasonable time and not working in the evening?

Is there a part of you that wants to be seen as the person that never switches off, that works longer hours than everyone else? Is it secretly a badge of honour? It was for me and I'm glad I got that ego in check because it led me to feel burnt out and resentful.

If you want to learnt o switch off then have a listen to this.