Alyssa sits down with Francesca Hogi, love coach, founder of the True Love Society, two-time TED speaker, former corporate lawyer, and two-time Survivor contestant, for a conversation built around one deceptively simple idea: flirting is a skill, not a personality trait, and most of us were never taught it. Francesca breaks down her definition of flirting (words and actions that make someone feel seen, special, and acknowledged), why it has nothing to do with being “hit on,” and why she sees it as a foundational relationship skill rather than a prelude to dating.

The conversation ranges from Francesca’s path from Survivor contestant to matchmaker to coach, into genuinely useful, practical territory: the “puke test” for knowing when there’s truly no chemistry versus just none yet, why she tells clients rejection isn’t real, and how flirting can actually spark chemistry that wasn’t there on date one. Alyssa connects a lot of this directly to her own four-date-minimum philosophy, and the two get into what dating would look like if they could rebuild it from scratch, plus Francesca’s “meet cute mindset” challenge that’s genuinely worth trying this week.

You’ll also hear about:

(00:39) Introducing Francesca Hogi: love coach, TED speaker, and two-time Survivor contestant

(04:19) What Survivor taught her about connection that practicing law never did

(07:14) The Fourth of July barbecue that accidentally led her to matchmaking school

(12:03) What she learned matchmaking that most people never expect

(15:02) Why she shifted from matchmaking to coaching: “teaching people to be their own matchmaker”

(16:42) What led her to make flirting the topic of her TED talk

(18:09) Francesca’s actual definition of flirting, and why it’s not about being sexy

(19:42) Can you flirt by text? Her answer, and what “playful energy” actually looks like

(23:11) The “puke test”: how to tell when there’s genuinely no chemistry

(24:43) Why flirting can create chemistry that wasn’t there to begin with

(26:34) Connecting this to Alyssa’s four-date-minimum approach

(28:13) Why Francesca tells clients “rejection isn’t real”

(30:40) What to say to someone who thinks flirting feels performative

(34:38) The “fairy tale industrial complex” and why we don’t get taught how to date

(43:43) What Francesca’s “dating needs to be rebuilt” Instagram post actually meant

(46:00) Why dating needs subcultures instead of one-size-fits-all apps

(50:37) The “meet cute mindset” challenge, and how it changed Francesca’s own dating life

(52:41) Phones down, eyes up: the simplest shift with the biggest payoff

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Learn More About Francesca Hogi:

Visit her website: https://www.francescahogi.com/

Order her book, How to Find True Love: Unlock Your Romantic Flow and Create Lasting Relationships: https://www.francescahogi.com/book

Follow Francesca on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dearfranny/

Learn More About Alyssa Dineen:

Visit Style My Profile: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/

Follow Alyssa on Instagram: /alyssadineen

Follow Alyssa on TikTok: /alyssadineen

Alyssa sits down with Katherine Paulsen, a longtime coach on the Style My Profile team, for a wide-ranging conversation between two dating coaches at very different life stages. Katherine, 34, and Alyssa, 53, compare notes on what dating actually looks like in your 30s versus midlife, starting with the biological clock pressure that can push younger daters into relationships that aren't right for them, and the reframe midlife daters get to use instead: the luxury of time, and the luxury of already knowing yourself.

From there, the conversation moves into practical territory. Katherine shares the story of the singles PowerPoint she made the night before her wedding (yes, it led to a real relationship), and the two talk through other low-pressure ways to meet people in real life, from book readings to the Skint email list to simply committing to one new event a month and staying off your phone while you're there. They close out with an honest read on the current state of the apps: why Hinge's free version is getting harder to use, why Tinder might be having a comeback, and why there's still no single "magic app," just trial, error, and staying open to trying something new.

You'll also hear about:

(00:41) A quick note on Alyssa's free Date Vanilla webinar

(03:24) Dating in your 30s vs. dating in midlife: comparing the pressures

(04:22) How the biological clock pushes younger daters into settling

(05:32) Reframing time as a luxury you have in midlife

(06:02) The client who met her husband at 83

(06:55) The advantage of already knowing yourself

(08:22) Why dating with less pressure to find "the one" often works better

(10:33) A story about meeting someone the night you least expect it

(11:49) Letting go of "is this my future spouse" on every single date

(12:43) Katherine's wedding singles PowerPoint, and how it actually led to a relationship

(17:02) Applying the same idea to reunions, dinner parties, and friend groups

(19:05) A callback to the dating potluck episode with Jill Foos

(19:43) Why it's important to balance dating apps with real-life ways to meet people

(21:18) Committing to one event regularly, and how that led to a real relationship for a past guest

(22:04) Simple body language shifts that make you more approachable at events

(23:45) Book readings, author events, and New York's "the Skint" email list

(25:37) Using ChatGPT to find events suited to your interests (and where single men might be)

(27:22) Why Hinge's free version is getting harder to use, and what that means for you

(29:18) Why the most-liked profiles aren't necessarily who you want to match with

(30:21) Tinder's possible comeback, and why its immediacy has upside

(32:50) How Feeld has shifted from hookup culture to intentional dating too

(35:10) The bottom line: no magic app, just trial, error, and staying open

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Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share, it helps more people find the show.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Skint (NYC free events email list): theskint.com

Learn More About Alyssa Dineen:

Visit Style My Profile: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/

Follow Alyssa on Instagram: /alyssadineen

Follow Alyssa on TikTok: /alyssadineen

Episode Summary

In this solo episode, Alyssa tackles two patterns showing up again and again in her coaching calls. First: what happens when you have "more" than the man you're dating: more income, more savings, more financial stability, and how that fact can turn into discomfort, guilt, or a reason to walk away from someone who might actually be good for you. Alyssa breaks down why this isn't a money problem, it's a conditioning problem, tracing it back to inherited cultural scripts about men as providers, and shares two real client comparisons that show how little a job title actually tells you about someone's financial reality or character.

Then she shifts to something connected: why so many of you following the Burned Haystack method feel like you're barely dating at all right now, and why that's often a sign the filtering is working exactly as intended. She revisits her Date Vanilla framework (with her own story about Yoav's decidedly unflashy profile) to make the case that a boring profile and a boring person are not the same thing, and that chemistry showing up late doesn't mean it isn't real. The throughline: stop filtering for what you were told to want, and start paying attention to how someone actually responds to who you are and what you've built.

You'll also hear about:

(01:37) What keeps showing up across Alyssa's coaching calls right now

(02:22) Why financial imbalance is a conditioning problem, not a compatibility problem

(03:12) The old belief that a man should out-earn or keep pace, and where it comes from

(04:19) The economic reality behind why some men look "less put together" financially

(05:47) A client story: two very different job titles, two very different financial realities

(07:09) Another client story: discomfort that had nothing to do with the relationship itself

(08:35) What to actually watch for in how a partner responds to your success

(09:24) The question to ask yourself before writing someone off

(10:17) Why the Burned Haystack method can feel like "barely dating," and why that's discernment, not failure

(11:39) Revisiting the Date Vanilla framework and why boring profiles don't mean boring people

(12:05) Alyssa's own story: Yoav's resume-like profile and no fireworks until date three

(13:29) Why most real success stories don't have chemistry right away

(14:15) Tying it together: the "I wouldn't have swiped right on him" pattern

Rate, Review & Follow The Dating Lab

If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share, it helps more people find the show.

Learn More About Alyssa Dineen:

Visit Style My Profile: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/

Follow Alyssa on Instagram: /alyssadineen

Follow Alyssa on TikTok: /alyssadineen