We’re back, baby! After a short hiatus, Bottom Shelf Bible Study returns with a brand-new, rapid-fire format—welcome to our first-ever BSBS Blitz!

What’s Inside?

• The Israelites: History’s First Karens? 🙄

Fresh out of Egypt, the Israelites are already whining about food, water, and how much they miss slavery. God, fed up with their nonsense, sends a plague of venomous snakes to speed up their character development.

• God’s Unconventional Healthcare Plan 🏥🐍

After realizing snake bites suck, the Israelites beg Moses for help. God’s prescription? A bronze snake statue that magically heals anyone who looks at it. Yes, really.

• From Healing Relic to Golden Calf 2.0 🛑

Classic Israelites move—they ignore God’s command to destroy the statue and instead start worshipping it because, of course, they do.

• Bonus Blitz: King Saul’s 100-Foreskin Challenge 🤦‍♂️

Trying to get David killed, King Saul tells him to collect 100 Philistine foreskins. David, ever the overachiever, brings back double. Naturally, we ask the real question: how exactly did he collect them? 🧐

• David’s Harp: Medieval Torture or Just an Annoying Playlist? 🎵🎯

Some say Saul threw spears at David because of an evil spirit. We say maybe it was just because David wouldn’t stop playing the same damn harp song.

Season Two: BSBS Blitz Has Arrived!

After a run of full-length episodes, we’re kicking off Season Two with our new Blitz format—short, chaotic, and straight to the weirdest parts of the Bible.

We’re back. We’re sorry. You’re welcome.