30 weeks and Jackie isn’t slowing down at all. She’s shopping for fresh trees, reveling in the attention from her purple bandage, and enjoying the holy trinity of See’s Candy: Dark Chocolate Scotchmallows, Dark Chocolate Bordeaux, and Dark Raspberry Creams.

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Jackie is ready for Off Brand October and is reminded of the enormous stupidity of the general population, stalks a man over patio cushions, and has not one but two public altercations.

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28 weeks and Jackie aces her gestational diabetes test, reveals that pregnant women online are the new Al-Qaeda, and gives an update on the level of her doomsday baby fund.

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