There's one at every school. She parks in the fire lane like it was built for her. Her daughter is an angel. Just ask her. In the office. At full volume.

Last week I asked you which moms you wanted roasted, and my DMs have never filled up that fast. So this week it's Brenda. Not one woman. A franchise. There's one in every plaza, like a Tim Hortons.

The four-minute voice notes that start with "I'm not trying to start anything." The second group chat, the real one. The birthday party that invited one twin, and the day I called a mother like a talent agent, with a rider. The concussion that turned out to be a brush, caught by the only school security camera in history that actually worked. What saved Brenda in the parking lot that day (it wasn't growth, it was a gummy). And what the school really means when it says "try to ignore her if you can."

And I'm in this one. I've been Brenda too. For about fifteen minutes. The difference is, I let the tape play.

Plus what to actually do if it's happening to your kid: write it down, ask the school what the plan is for the kid doing it, and when somebody tells you something about yours, say "okay, I'll talk to my daughter." Then actually do it.

This episode is brought to you by Jova Medical Aesthetics in London, Ontario. If you're in perimenopause or menopause, Dr. Alicia Smith treats hormone imbalance, and the consult is online. Your first consultation is free: grab the code in the free BTC Magazine app (App Store or Google Play) and give it to them when you book.

BOOK SIGNING: Sunday, October 18, 2 to 4 PM at Hillcrest Mall in Richmond Hill. I'll be signing The Dad Diaries and reading a passage. Richmond Hill, Aurora, Woodbridge, Oshawa, come say hi.

THE DAD DIARIES, my memoir, is out now. It's the story of how I became a father to my girls and everything it took to get there. Signed copies at thedaddiaries.com, also on Amazon and Indigo.

This is Joseph Tito, and I bitch so you don't have to.

Got a mess of your own? Send it to info@jeopublishing.com.

More at betweenthecoversmag.com, or read the magazine free in the BTC Magazine app, iOS and Android.

Bitch Fest is a Between the Covers production.