Stop Guessing What Your Wife Needs. Ask Her These 5 Questions.

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Stop Guessing What Your Wife Needs. Ask Her These 5 Questions.

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We would love to hear from you, follow this link to send us a message directly. Include a voice message and you might even be featured in a future episode! Help Us, Help Dads. Donate your year-end gift to help us reach more dads like you: https://donate.allprodad.com/podcastHow well do you know your wife? Not her coffee order or her favorite color. We’re talking about her fears, needs, worries, and more. In this episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast, host Ted Lowe is joined by BJ Foster and Bobby Lewis to list five important questions husbands may not be asking their wives—and how asking them can help us become better husbands.Why This Matters Asking thoughtful questions helps us understand our wives better, respond to their actual needs, and stay connected as we navigate life together.Key Takeaways· Your wife's Love Map changes. You can't assume you know what's happening in her heart and mind just because you've been married for years.· Guessing isn't the same as understanding. Good intentions can still miss the mark when we assume we know what our wives need.· Small acts of love matter. Sometimes what makes your wife feel most supported isn't a grand gesture. It may be taking something off her plate or protecting time she needs for herself.· Ask questions that reveal her inner world. Learn about her current challenges, hopes, sources of confidence, and what would help her feel loved.· Listening is only the beginning. When your wife answers honestly, receive it without defensiveness and act on what you've learned.Practical Tips for Dads1. Ask what's weighing on her day-to-day. Find out what feels overwhelming, where she needs support, and whether there's something you can take off her plate.2. Ask what would make her feel most loved this week. Don't assume you need to plan a big surprise. A small, practical act of service may mean much more.3. Ask what she's looking forward to and dreading. Stay aware of the events, responsibilities, and experiences shaping her world right now. Celebrate what excites her and support her through what feels difficult.4. Ask what makes her feel competent. Learn what she enjoys, where she feels capable, and what gives her a sense of accomplishment. Then affirm those strengths intentionally.5. Ask about her hopes for the future. Find out what she dreams about for the coming months and years, and look for ways to encourage and support those hopes.Important Episode Timestamps [00:00] What Are Some Important Questions You May Not Be Asking Your Wife?Ted introduces the episode’s central question and previews five research-backed questions dads can use to update their mental map of their wife.[00:22] What Gottman’s “Love Maps” Reveal About Marriage After KidsTed shares Dr. John Gottman’s finding that 67% of couples see a sharp drop in satisfaction after a first child, but couples with a detailed love map of each other stay steady or even grow closer.[01:16] When BJ and Bobby Had the Wrong Map (or No Map at All)BJ jokes that he was carrying a map of Spain while trying to love his wife well after the birth of their second child, and Bobby admits that in his first year of marriage he stayed silent when his wife was crying because he didn’t know what to say.[04:42] Masters vs. Disasters: Why Turning Toward Your Spouse MattersTed explains that couples who thrive turn toward each other’s emotional bids 86% of the time, compared to just 33% for couples who struggle, and why asking questions beats guessing.[07:08] Question 1: What’s One Thing You Wish I Understood About Your Day?BJ shares how his wife kept telling him she hadn’t made the kids’ dental appointments, and how he finally learned to ask if he could take it off her plate.[09:23] Why Dads Need to Take the Mental Load Off Her PlateTed reflects on the poster board his wife filled out every time they left town, listing everything the kids needed, and makes the case that relieving mental load is one of the greatest things a husband can do.[11:09] Question 2: What Would Make You Feel Most Loved and Supported This Week?The guys explain how this question turns love into something specific and actionable, and share small examples like making tea for the road or taking out the trash a day early that turned out to mean a lot.[14:23] Question 3: What Are You Looking Forward To and Dreading This Month?Bobby introduces the question, and BJ shares how a big hosting event at their house revealed he’d missed his wife’s mix of excitement and dread, while Bobby describes using a shared family calendar to see the smaller things that matter to her.[17:08] Question 4: What Makes You Feel Competent?BJ shares how asking about confidence led him to pray for a home where his wife could host, Bobby celebrates his wife’s sourdough and embroidery, and Ted learns his wife’s ten-year dream is simply grandkids once a week.[20:01] ...

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