How do you disagree with a superior or your boss when you see a problem in a decision you still have to deliver? How do you influence senior leaders when you don't have the final say?

In this episode of Speak Your Mind Unapologetically, Ivna Curi explores managing up and upward influence through two real workplace stories from her book, Unapologetic Voice.

Amy spent six months building a business case after senior leaders dismissed a gap she saw in their plan. Rebecca challenged a leader's approach to restructuring by proposing an alternative that addressed his concern about confidentiality.

Their experiences reveal practical ways to challenge a decision, earn consideration for your ideas, and help your organization improve.

You'll discover:

• How to disagree with your boss when your first concern gets dismissed: What to reconsider before repeating the same argument.
• How to get senior leadership buy-in: Connect your recommendation to business consequences and the results leaders want.
• How to push back without sounding combative: Address what the decision-maker is trying to achieve or protect.
• How to build a stronger business case: Use individual conversations to test assumptions, understand objections, and improve your proposal.
• How to recognize progress when you don't get a full yes: Evaluate whether a workable compromise improves the decision.
• Three questions to prepare for a difficult conversation with your boss or a superior: Identify your disagreement, understand their concern, and propose a specific alternative.

If you're a manager, director, or VP navigating a rejected idea, an overlooked risk, or a decision you believe needs reconsideration, this episode is for you.

Share this episode with a colleague working to get a useful perspective heard, and follow Speak Your Mind Unapologetically for more on leadership communication and upward influence.

Being kind at work is easy when things are going well. Smiling, saying thank you, listening, remembering birthdays. The real test is what you do when there is a problem, a conflict, or a disagreement.

This episode is a self-assessment. Twelve everyday workplace moments that look polite on the surface and cost someone else something real. Escalating to a manager before ever telling the colleague what the problem is. Staying silent in a meeting, then criticizing the decision privately afterward. Calling someone disrespectful instead of naming the behavior. Saying yes when you mean no. Redoing a team member's work instead of telling them what to change.

The pattern underneath all twelve is the same. Avoiding an uncomfortable conversation feels like kindness to the person doing the avoiding, and transfers the cost to someone else in the form of lost information, lost time, lost reputation, or a lost opportunity.

Here is the test: if your discomfort leaves someone else worse off on information, time, reputation, or opportunity, that is not kindness.

Go through the twelve. For each one, decide honestly whether you are being kind or protecting your own comfort. Then pick one to change this week.

• Kindness measured in easy moments is worthless as a measure. What counts is how you behave when something is wrong.
• Avoidance is not neutral. It moves the cost off you and onto someone else.
• Directness is part of respect, not the opposite of it. Warmth plus avoidance is still a cost passed to somebody.
• Character labels like difficult, toxic, abrasive, and disrespectful attack identity and give the other person nothing to act on. Behavior plus impact plus a specific request does.
• People can only fix what they know about. Usable information delivered early is the actual kindness.
• Leaders set the standard here. How you handle a disagreement teaches your team what is allowed.

1. Escalating to a manager before telling the colleague what the behavior is
2. Escalating without one conversation plus one reminder first
3. Staying silent in a meeting, which reads as agreement
4. Criticizing the decision privately after the meeting ends
5. Using character labels instead of naming behavior and impact
6. Being warm and polite as a way to avoid the real conversation
7. Saying yes when you mean no, then delaying and under-delivering
8. Passing someone over for an opportunity without naming the gap
9. Ghosting an email because you do not know what to say yet
10. Watching work go the wrong direction for weeks before correcting it
11. Redoing someone's work instead of explaining what needs to change
12. Concluding someone is not ready without ever telling them why

Most people who challenge a superior's decision get it wrong. They oppose. Nita Patel, VP of Engineering at Otis, says the people who have changed her mind did something else: they stayed curious. They asked what happens after step two. They wanted to understand rather than object. By the end of the conversation she is the one asking them what they think, without realizing she was challenged at all.

That works because of the larger skill underneath it. Nita calls herself a translator, estimating 30 to 40% of her time goes to it: working out why a meeting matters, what the goal is, and which pieces of information will get someone there. The translation changes depending on whom you're speaking to. What she presents to a CEO is different from what she presents to the team building it or to a cross-functional peer.

She splits translation in two. Translating an idea to stakeholders means finding the intent and explaining it separately to each group that has to buy-in. Translating an idea into action means breaking the problem down and moving forward before the full plan is in place. She used both to launch the first IEEE Women in Engineering International Leadership Conference, arguing that sometimes you take the leap and build the wings on the way down.

She also names the Toastmasters feedback that changed her most: that she assumes too much and jumps straight to the answer. And she explains why technical leaders labeled direct or difficult are usually being read as too focused on the detail.

If you have ever had a good idea die on the way up, this episode is about the trip.

00:00 Meet Nita Patel, VP of Engineering at Otis
01:17 What Chess Teaches About Anticipating the Other Side
02:11 Know the Rules So the Unexpected Move Does Not Derail You
02:58 How to Make a Fair Call When the Rulebook Runs Out
03:56 Where Confidence Comes From in a Gray-Area Decision
04:35 Rules, Experience, Fallbacks: The Three Sources of Confidence
06:15 When Following the Process Costs You the Objective
07:30 Why the Analytically Best Move Is Not Always the Right One
09:02 How to Translate an Idea So Each Stakeholder Cares
10:25 Breaking a Big Idea Down So Others Can Act on It
10:47 Pitch Before It Is Perfect: Build the Wings on the Way Down
13:09 Hold the Why, Stay Flexible on the How
14:03 How to Challenge Your Boss Without It Feeling Like a Challenge
16:39 The Questions That Actually Change a Leader's Mind
19:39 Why "Too Direct" Usually Means "Too Detailed"
22:13 Find the Real Problem Before You Solve the Wrong One
25:56 The Feedback That Changed How She Briefs Executives
30:57 Why 30 to 40% of a VP's Week Goes to Translation
32:13 Nita's Closing Advice: Everyone Has Influence to Use