What if the biggest thing shaping your personality is not who you are, but what you identify with?

In this episode, we break down personal reality through a simple but powerful lens: thoughts, feelings, and actions. Any one of these can become the “driver” of your day, and the outcome is often the same - other people only see your behavior, then react to you, and suddenly your internal state becomes a social chain reaction.

We explore why thoughts can feel intensely personal even when they are automatic, why feelings hijack decision-making, and why actions may reveal far more about your character than your internal monologue ever could. Along the way, we unpack identity in an identity-forward culture, including the subtle problem of “identifying as the tool” - when your role (business owner, athlete, parent, dietitian) becomes your self-worth and makes you fragile.

We also discuss Ram Dass’s concept of “loving awareness,” how it offers a more antifragile identity, and what it looks like in real life when ego gets threatened: avoidance, isolation, reactivity, or shutting down. Through a real example of a business setback and the urge to hide it, we examine how ego and shame distort behavior, and how exposure to discomfort (like training, failure, and feedback) can build emotional tolerance and a more intentional response.

Big goals are exciting - and they are also where most people freeze. In this episode, we unpack why “perfect planning” is often just disguised avoidance, and why clarity rarely arrives before you move. Instead, clarity is local: you only get it after you take the next step.

We introduce the Fogged Bridge metaphor for real change: you cannot see the full path, the planks do not appear all at once, and uncertainty is not a problem to solve - it is the medium you move through. Whether you are trying to eat healthier, train consistently, build a business, or finally start a creative project, the same principle applies: big aims don’t require big starts. They require the next small step.

We also challenge the willpower narrative. Self-demands often create rebellion, procrastination, and anxiety. The alternative is negotiation - lowering the friction, shrinking the ask, and building momentum through repeatable wins (like making one healthy snack, doing one minute of stillness, showing up for the next class). Along the way, we explore why New Year’s resolutions fail, how your “why” determines your direction, and why every “wrong step” still produces the clarity you need for the next right one.

On this episode of SHL, Ryan and MJ had the pleasure to sit down and chat with Alysha Gebo about IFS (internal Family Systems) and how this way to thinking and relating to one's own mind can be transformative. Compared and analyzed against a new model of thought, Nested Observed Window, this discussion introduces both of these concepts on a surface level.

These models can be used to unlock perspective and self-understanding!