When you're the one who wants less sex, the conversation is almost never about you. It usually centers on the person who's not getting laid.

Let's flip that.

In this episode, Stacey gets into the weight of being the low libido partner, and everything that comes with that. Guilt. Shame. Embarrassment. Pressure.

If you're the one not saying yes, this episode is about you. Finally.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

You love each other. You're both committed. But you're not having sex.

Sexlessness in otherwise loving relationships is more common than you think. And it rarely comes down to one thing.

In this episode, Stacey breaks down the most common reasons loving couples stop having sex. And why it's not always the end of the world or the relationship.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Why does sex become such a charged topic in long-term relationships?

Most of the time, you're not really fighting about frequency, desire, or who initiates. You're fighting about unmet emotional needs. Connection. Validation. Autonomy. Safety. Feeling wanted.

When those needs aren't being met, sex becomes the battleground. And the conflict doesn't stay in the bedroom.

In this episode, Stacey gets into what's really happening beneath the surface - and why asking "what is this really about?" changes everything.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This week's episode is for people in long-term relationships who feel like they've lost that loving feeling. Whether you're married, partnered, cohabitating, living apart, long-distance, or right around the corner.

That zing that you felt at the beginning feels nonexistent. Why? Because biology is like that. And people change. Who you were at 30 isn't who you are beyond 45. Priorities and values shift—life lifes.

Sometimes you can grow into something new together. Sometimes not.

This isn't a Rx for fixing. Just a real conversation about the reality of this experience.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This week, we're talking about being better partners when your person doesn't have the bandwidth for sex.

What it looks like to hold space without expectations. What it's not. How non-sexual touch builds intimacy and trust. And why both people get to have feelings—disappointment and exhaustion are both valid.

When you can say no without being punished, you get to say yes from a place of authenticity.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Autopilot is not a good thing in relationships. But that doesn't mean that monotony is the enemy.

When you're on the routine hamster wheel of same place, same thing, it's hard to tell if you're bored with your partner or the script.

But here's the thing, your brain loves automation. Efficiency makes its job easier. Trouble is, desire needs novelty to tap into aliveness.

When sex becomes routine, you have a choice. You can make it mean "this relationship is broken." Or you can see it as an invitation.

In this episode, Stacey talks about transforming monotony without reinventing the wheel. Most of the time, you don't need a complete overhaul. You just need a micro tweak.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

We plan for everything around surgery except sex.

Time off work. Stocking the fridge. Help with the kids. Recovery logistics. We handle all of it.

But what happens to your sex life during recovery? Nobody talks about that. Not with the doctor. Not with each other.

Sometimes bodies need repairs, especially after 40. The question isn't if… It's when.. And how will you handle it when it does?

In this episode, Stacey talks about navigating sex when you're in recovery mode. This isn't tips for "keeping the spark alive," but the reality of desire with nowhere to put it, and how to work through it together.

In this episode:

• Managing expectations (what's realistic given the circumstances)

• How resentment builds when you don't talk about it

• Leading with grace and curiosity

• How to keep the sexual energy flowing when you can't do it

Sex in real life sometimes looks like not having sex at all for a while. It doesn't mean your sex life is over. It means life is lifeing.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Why isn't setting sexual intentions a thing?

You set goals for your career, health, finances, relationships. But your sex life? That's supposed to just... happen naturally?

That's bullshit. Everything that matters requires intention. That includes your sex life.

In this episode, Stacey walks you through how to set sexual intentions that actually mean something —not vague wishes, but real, specific intentions you can act on.

In this episode:

• Why setting sexual intentions is a great idea

• Questions you should ask yourself

• Knowing what you control vs. what needs partner buy-in

• Pitfalls and ways you could f*ck it up

Download the worksheet.

Willing to share? Pop over to Substack. And share one of your intentions. Because when you say it out loud, even to strangers on the internet, it becomes more real.

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/