SWM 157 — Why Sex Gets Derailed Right Before It Starts. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

When intimacy keeps getting derailed by oddly timed comments about hygiene, illness, or unrelated problems, it’s easy to wonder if you’re losing your mind or being subtly shut down. This question comes up far more often than people realize, and the answer is almost never "you’re crazy" or "your spouse is malicious." What’s actually happening lives in the brain, and once you see it, the pattern makes a lot more sense.

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SWM — Sex as Worship: Pornography, Erotica and AI Companions. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Pornography and erotica have become ubiquitous and socially normalized, and AI “companions” are increasingly marketed as hyper-sexual substitutes. These offer the appeal of intimacy without risk—no rejection, responsibility or vulnerability—yet they train desire away from real people and covenant relationships.

God designed intimacy for embodied, vulnerable union within marriage (Genesis 2:24–25; “to know” as in Genesis 4:1). In the “Sex as Worship” framework, aligning with God’s design is worship; deviations declare that we know better.

Scripture shows God’s insistence on real relationships, not images or illusions (Exodus 20:4–6). Marriage pictures Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:31–32), and the incarnation underscores embodied presence (John 1:14). Substitutes like porn, erotica and AI reject that design (Romans 1:25).

Practically, these fantasies retrain desire through novelty-driven dopamine, dulling normal arousal and escalating content. They reduce relationship satisfaction, weaken empathy, and increase objectification by orienting desire around control, not mutual love. They soothe loneliness without healing it, and intensify conflict avoidance—eroding skills vital to intimacy.

Common rationalizations fall short: “It’s better than cheating,” “It’s just a character,” “It helps me cope,” “My spouse doesn’t meet my needs,” “Everyone does it,” “You’re sex-negative,” or “I can separate fantasy from reality.” In reality, formation happens; what captures your brain shapes your life. Relief isn’t healing, and avoidance entrenches wounds.

If you’ve been using these, stop and seek accountability. Share with your spouse if possible, involve a pastor/elder or coach, and retrain desire toward your spouse. Neuroplasticity means change is possible; meditate on what is true, noble, pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8). Healing aims at presence, covenant, and embodied love.

You were made for more than illusion. Fantasy promises intimacy without pain; only reality delivers intimacy with meaning. God’s design is harder and riskier—but far more satisfying.

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If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us—help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 155 - Hookup Culture - When You Take Relationship Out of Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

We live in a world that has learned to separate what God never divided.

Hookup culture is the next stage of sex stripped of meaning - where bodies meet, but no one truly connects.

I’m continuing this series exploring how, when we remove aspects of God’s intent for sex, we end up with all the examples of sexual immorality we see in our world.

Last time, I tackled what removing covenant from sex gets you: sex before marriage, and the fallout from that choice.

Today, we’re going to push that even further and look at hookup culture. At first glance it might seem like sex before marriage taken to the next level - but that expansion comes with new problems.

This isn’t just the removal of covenant - it’s the removal of the relationship itself.

Links in this podcast episode:

• Marriage Coaching
• Speak at an event or church

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.