That's not fair.

You said it as a kid. You've thought it as an adult. Maybe you thought it this morning when you were loading the dishwasher while your partner sat on the couch. Maybe you thought it when you were the one who made the dinner and then also had to clean up because somehow that's just how it goes. Maybe you're thinking it right now, because you're the one reading this, trying to figure out how to make things better, and why are you always the one who has to make changes when they're not doing anything? That's not fair either.

Fairness is one of the most universal thoughts humans have. And it's also one of the most quietly destructive forces in a relationship. Today, I'm going to show you why the fairness argument keeps you stuck, what the research says about what's happening in your brain when things feel unfair, and the one question that will change everything the next time you feel the resentment starting to build. You're going to leave this episode with a completely different way of thinking about fairness, and I promise it's going to change how you show up in every relationship in your life.

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Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/fairness-relationships-why-it-backfires

Grab The Fairness Reframe: The One Question That Stops Resentment Before It Starts: https://abbymedcalf.com/fairness-reframe

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

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Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

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YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

If you've ever said, "My picker is broken," I want you to stop right there. Your picker isn't broken. It's working exactly the way it was trained to work. The problem is what it was trained on, and that's something you can actually change. In this episode, I'm going to walk you through the three psychological mechanisms that explain why you keep ending up in the same painful patterns, why that person who seemed so amazing kept disappointing you, and what you can concretely do to choose differently starting today. You're going to get the reframe, and then, as always, you're going to get the tools.

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Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/why-you-keep-choosing-the-wrong-partner

Download The Pattern Snapshot, a quick self-assessment to name what's actually driving your relationship pattern: https://abbymedcalf.com/pattern-snapshot

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube

You've tried to change. You've done the work. And you still find yourself asking: why do I keep doing this? Today, I want to give you a framework that might finally answer that question. It's called Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and it explains why you react so differently depending on who you're with, why self-compassion feels impossible no matter how many times someone tells you to practice it, and why you keep choosing the same kind of person even when you know better. Nothing is wrong with you. You might just be missing a map.

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Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-is-internal-family-systems-ifs-therapy

Download The 8 C's Self-Energy Check: How much Self-energy are you accessing right now? https://abbymedcalf.com/self-energy-check

Join my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.

You'll get...

✨ Early drops + ad-free podcast episodes

✨ Worksheets, journal prompts, downloads, and guided visualizations

✨ Community chats and live Q&A calls with Abby

_________

Subscribe to the Love Letter and get my little messages each week!

https://abbymedcalf.com/loveletter-opt-in/

👉 Pick up a copy of my new book, Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries

👉 Pick up The Workbook: Boundaries Made Easier to use as a companion to the book or as a standalone masterclass: https://abbymedcalf.com/boundaries-workbook

👉 Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book

____________________________

Looking for past episodes of the Relationships Made Easy Podcast? Head over to https://abbymedcalf.com/podcast-the-archives where you’ll find past episodes.

Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my online courses (some are FREE!) or grab a workbook: https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

A great idea to stay motivated and keep your head in a positive direction is to buy some of my fabulous, inspirational merchandise. Get yourself a t-shirt, mug, tote bag or notebook with that daily reminder that you’ve got this! https://abbymedcalf.com/shop

Say hello on social:

Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

YouTube: https://abbymedcalf.com/youtube