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Is that feeling in your gut your intuition, or your trauma talking? LCSW and narcissistic abuse recovery specialist Barbara Duchnowski joins Virginia to break down how to tell the difference, and why insight alone isn’t enough to heal.

In this episode

• How to tell a panicky trauma response from steady intuition
• A simple body scan you can do anywhere
• Why a “pit in the stomach” can mean two very different things
• Gentle breathing resets for hypervigilance (5 minutes a day)
• How an intuition log helps you rebuild self-trust
• Why survivors stop trusting their gut, and why seeing the pattern isn’t always enough to leave
• How triangulation and charming partners make you doubt what you see
• Why survivors are not weak. They’re often high in empathy, loyalty, and openness.

About the guest
Barbara Duchnowski is a licensed clinical social worker, narcissistic abuse recovery specialist, EMDR therapist, and clinical hypnosis practitioner. She is also a survivor herself.
🔗 Website: https://newleafpsychotherapyllc.com/
▶️ YouTube: Barbara Duchnowski LCSW -

Support the show

Red Flags & Real Love is a Break the Patterns podcast, hosted by Virginia McConnell — Dating and Relationship Pattern Coach, specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery.

🔗 Free quiz: breakthepatterns.netlify.app
🔗 Website: breakthepatterns.net
📅 Book a free coaching consultation: calendly.com/breakthepatterns

Connect with Virginia:
📸 Instagram: instagram.com/officialvirginiamcconnell
👥 Facebook: facebook.com/officialvirginiamcconnell

New episodes every week.

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Losing money to a romance scam is one kind of devastation. Being found, months later, by someone offering to recover it for you — and losing again — is another.

My guest today is Susan Schleppegrell, author of Twice Betrayed. She has a background in human development and positive psychology coaching and has spent years as a realtor. None of that protected her, and that's precisely her point: this happens to capable, accomplished, clear-thinking people.

In this episode:

• How a romance scam actually builds — the attention, the trust, the slow handoff into crypto
• Love bombing and manufactured urgency: the same two levers that run bad relationships, aimed at your bank account
• The second betrayal — a "recovery" offer from someone posing as help, and why victims are a target list
• Why being smart and successful makes you a mark rather than a hard sell
• Shame and regret as the part that lingers longest after the money is gone
• Self-forgiveness with accountability — holding both at once instead of choosing one
• Growing Forward, her companion workbook, and why she framed healing as tending a garden

If you've been through something like this and haven't told anyone, that silence is the pattern working exactly as designed.

Find Susan:

• Website, free downloads and resources: Finding growth after betrayal | Susan Schleppegrell
• Twice Betrayed and Growing Forward Book

If this is happening to you: report fraud at reportfraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov. Reporting early matters, and it costs nothing.

Ready to go deeper?

• More of Virginia's story at http://breakthepatterns.net
• Book a complimentary consultation: calendly.com/breakthepatterns
• Follow along on Instagram and Facebook @officialvirginiamcconnell

Support the show

Red Flags & Real Love is a Break the Patterns podcast, hosted by Virginia McConnell — Dating and Relationship Pattern Coach, specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery.

🔗 Free quiz: breakthepatterns.netlify.app
🔗 Website: breakthepatterns.net
📅 Book a free coaching consultation: calendly.com/breakthepatterns

Connect with Virginia:
📸 Instagram: instagram.com/officialvirginiamcconnell
👥 Facebook: facebook.com/officialvirginiamcconnell

New episodes every week.

Send us Fan Mail

Ralph Brewer's origin story starts with discovering his wife's affair 14 years ago and becoming a single father to three kids overnight. What followed — years of gaslighting, denial, and eventually a messy dating rebound — became the foundation for Help For Men, a movement that's now reached millions.

In this episode, Ralph gets real about the anxious/avoidant attachment dynamic that drives so many failed relationships, why the "chemistry" that feels most intense early on is often the biggest red flag of all, and how he learned — the hard way — that he kept attracting the same type of partner because of unresolved patterns from his own childhood. We also talk about rebuilding identity after divorce, why solitude is dangerous for men specifically, and why "cooling it" on dating for a full year after a breakup might be the smartest advice no one wants to hear.

Ralph is the founder of Help For Men and the Help For Men Brotherhood, a community of over 800 men worldwide, and the author of five books including his bestseller The Dead Bedroom Fix and his newest, Rebuild.

Website: http://helpformen.com

Book: http://deadbedroomfix.com

Social: search "Dad Starting Over" (his podcast/brand handle across Instagram, TikTok, Facebook)

To find his other podcast appearances: search "Ralph Brewer" on Google

Support the show

Red Flags & Real Love is a Break the Patterns podcast, hosted by Virginia McConnell — Dating and Relationship Pattern Coach, specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery.

🔗 Free quiz: breakthepatterns.netlify.app
🔗 Website: breakthepatterns.net
📅 Book a free coaching consultation: calendly.com/breakthepatterns

Connect with Virginia:
📸 Instagram: instagram.com/officialvirginiamcconnell
👥 Facebook: facebook.com/officialvirginiamcconnell

New episodes every week.