We’ve inherited so many ideas about what sex should look like — who should initiate, what arousal should look like, how sex should end, and what counts as “good” sex.

But what if a lot of these expectations are creating pressure rather than pleasure?

In this episode, Zoe explores some of the culturally entrenched narratives around sex and why shifting our focus away from performance, outcomes and expectations can open up a much more expansive experience of sexual pleasure.

Zoe also covers the science of sex:

Different types of desires

The Orgasm Gap & the elusive ‘G-Spot’

Arousal Non-concordance

The Dual Control Model

*Apologies for my voice - I was so congested when I recorded this epi!

Connect with Zoe:

Web: www.zoecox.com.au
Instagram: @layersoflovepodcast

Free Relationship Resources: https://zoecox.com.au/free-resources/

Link to Zoe's Tedtalk: Sustaining Intimacy through parenthood

Research shared in episode:

Two amazing books by Emily Nagoski:

– Come as You Are

– Come Together

Stats around the orgasm gap: Koechlin, L., Sartorius, G., Gonin-Spahni, S. et al. Exploring the Orgasm Gap in Heterosexual Sex: A Swiss and European Online Survey. Sex Roles 92, 58 (2026). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-026-01693-8

Layers of Love is produced on the lands of the Gundungurra and Wiradjuri people. We pay respect to their unique and diverse cultures and to elders past, present and emerging.