“It took me until 41 to be like, ‘I actually like you’. It's a recent revelation because before then, I didn't like me. I liked what I did. It took a while to get there because you have to be demure, humble or whatever. And it's like, bitch, no. I can like myself. I can love myself. People can see that this is a journey and they could be like, maybe I wanna take a similar journey.”

Ooooosh hard f*ckin’ relate!

My guest for this episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…” is author & journalist Sharan Dhaliwal (she/they). She’s the Founder of the UK’s leading South Asian culture magazine ‘Burnt Roti’ and the Founder & Co-Director of Middlesex Pride. I’m a regular reader & big fan of Sharan’s work (which appears regularly in The Metro amongst other publications) and I recently read her brilliant debut book ‘Burning My Roti: Breaking Barriers as a Queer Indian Woman' which came out in 2022. The book explores ‘how her Asian identity and queerness came up against capitalism and white supremacy’.

With Lesbian Visibility Week 2026 underway, Sharan’s voice as a queer woman of colour is one that is so needed right now when it comes to the importance of speaking up. Real, sharp & unique and shaped by her own lived experience, passion for community - which she describes as ‘my belief system’ - and her deep understanding of society, culture & history. She shares why being loud is so crucial right now & her origin story highlights this…

Little Sharan always had something to say. She grew up in Southall, West London and, in her words, she was a ‘walking bingo card for bullying’ and often seen as ‘weird’ or ‘not girly enough’. Support was scarce and Sharan focused on pop culture as a way to disconnect & simply get through. Her earliest feelings of belonging came in the form of discovering subcultures, namely metal music, emos & goths.

Sharan reflects on how a pressure to conform resulted in many dangerous situations and her work today covers many topics around this area including beauty expectations, dating, relationships, assumptions around gender, racial inequality, politics and more.

We discuss Sharan’s pride in ‘Burnt Roti’ and she shares “I still get so many messages from people who say that they came out because of Burnt Roti. They found their community because of Burnt Roti. They left abusive marriages because of Burnt Roti.”

Sharan & her wonderful partner Sabah (former podcast guest & friend of mine) got engaged last year. Their love story is beautiful and you can hear why during this conversation! We chat all about Sharan’s early career, including a random stint in payroll, her desire to become a queer historian, the issues with Pride events today and our mutual love of ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’. I loved this chat - have a listen.

FYI. Go check out ‘The Last Princesses of Punjab’ exhibition which Sharan was a part of… and SAVE THE DATE for Middlesex Pride: Sunday 2 August. I’ll see ya there!

“I had an awakening if you like. I've been out for many years but not really in the lesbian scene. And all of a sudden I was in a room full of queer women all having really nice chats and I felt like a kid in a candy shop. That was only four years ago. I was really proudly a lesbian at that point. And I then really wanted to own it. I wanted to say the word more.”

Embracing the term ‘lesbian’ has been an evolution with this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ and it’s a timely conversation with Lesbian Visibility Week just around the corner. And to be clear, she’s one of my best friends AND my favourite lesbian in the world!

Jayney Flatman (she/her) is a Global Operations Manager in the corporate travel industry - which she’s been in since the start of her career. She’s also one of the Co-Founders of The House of Happiness, London’s Ultimate Queer Sober Clubbing Extravaganza (alongside me) and up until last year, she headed up a community group for queer women & non-binary people. An understanding of inclusion is something Jayney feels is fairly new to how she shows up in the world but how she puts it into action has been shaped by so many of her experiences…

Little Jayney & her family moved around a lot. It’s a recurring theme in her life - and something we touch on in comparison to today. On the one hand, Little Jayney was a quiet & shy child whilst on the other, she was often the one leading a group & taking centre stage. “I’m very much a sea of contradictions” says Jayney, back then and again, now. She was convinced she’d either be famous… or be murdered. Which very much speaks to her dramatic flare!

School wasn’t pleasant for the most part and Jayney experienced a lot of bullying for being different. She would often run away & not fight back and very much felt like she didn’t belong. We explore the impact of this and why finding her voice & therapy have been game changers. As well as how discovering her love of a party & dancing have shaped her.

What makes this episode even more timely is that Jayney has just celebrated her 60th birthday so it provided the perfect opportunity for reflection AND celebration. She shares why she chose to throw a whole festival - brilliantly named JayneyFest - to mark the occasion, diving into self help books from her teens, how sobriety has changed her life, meeting her amazing girlfriend Jess and all things JOY!

Jayney chose the following three words to describe herself & her origin story: No Ordinary Girl. She really isn’t. And I can’t wait for you to hear this…

PLEASE NOTE: This episode contains mentions of bullying, domestic abuse & violence. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Through a lot of the experiences that I've had in life, I've hidden away and been quite private with the stuff I do. I would have never dreamed of speaking about myself in a public space before. But it's one of those things where I look at my career now and I'm starting to now understand that I've done a fair bit.”

And at 29 years old, Trenton Tomlinson (he/him), this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ recognised that there’s plenty of time to achieve so much more whilst allowing himself permission to get it wrong along the way.

Trenton is Label Operations Manager at UMG UK’s catalogue label, Universal Music Recordings (UMR), where he leads the day-to-day delivery of catalogue releases and creative campaigns. He has championed projects that bring historic music back into physical, digital and cultural circulation, including championing and leading on Black UK artist catalogues music from artists such as Ms. Dynamite, Unknown T &Linton Kwesi Johnson.

Little Trenton was a very inquisitive kid as well as being bold, sensitive & empathetic. He shares a brilliant anecdote about being in charge of the ‘Friendly Bus Stop’ at school where students could come if they felt lonely. It was a role he took seriously and he recalls how “I loved processes before I even knew what a process was.” Trenton grew up in Liverpool in a single parent household and shares how his mum ran the house ‘like a navy seal. They’re incredibly close today and whilst he acknowledges that hasn’t always been the case, with Trenton reflecting on how he wasn’t ‘an easy kid to understand’, the appreciation, love & respect he has for his mum is undeniable.

His career in music today isn’t quite what he had originally envisioned. Trenton was signed to a music label as a teenager and thought he was going to be ‘the next best thing’. It was a painful experience at the time that has shaped who & where he is now and we delve into the barriers & challenges in the music industry historically & today, where it’s improved and where there is still room for improvement.

Along with his passion for music, Trenton is deeply committed to equity & inclusion. He is Chair of UMG’s The Pride Network and serves on the UK City Of Culture 2029 advisory panel & BPI’s Equity & Justice Advisory Group, contributing to wider Diversity, Equity & Inclusion strategy.

We explore the trap of perfectionism, staying grounded, why it’s important to get involved and the unexpected joy of being an uncle.

I adore Trenton. He’s a brilliant human who always champions others - including myself. Listen in for a great chat!