There is a German saying that I grew up hearing: “Vertrauen ist gut, Kontrolle ist besser.” Trust is good. Control is better. And whether or not we actually believe that, I think a lot of us parents can relate to it.

While our kids are still in high school, there is a natural frame around their lives. School, sports, activities mean we usually have a pretty good idea where they are, what their days look like, and when they’ll be home — and their schedule still shapes ours too.

Then they graduate, leave for college, start working or move into their own place, and that frame disappears. Their lives no longer include us in all the everyday details. And that means we have to rely much more on trust — in them, in what we have taught them, and in their ability to figure things out for themselves.

Life Rules and the Way They Shape Our Parenting, Work and how we (inter)act in general

In this episode we explore the invisible “life rules” we all carry — the beliefs about success, mistakes, effort, and worth that quietly shape our reactions and our parenting. Most of these rules weren’t chosen consciously; they were absorbed through family, culture, and past experiences.

When our child, partner, or relatives operate by different rules, it can feel surprisingly triggering. Not because someone is wrong — but because our internal rulebook feels threatened.

We discuss how these rules show up in parenting, especially through the difference between a performance mindset (winning, comparison, fear of mistakes) and a mastery mindset (growth, learning, resilience). Children don’t just hear what we say — they absorb how we interpret the world.

The invitation isn’t to get rid of our life rules, but to notice them and ask:
Is this belief supporting me — or costing me something? And what is it teaching my child?

Awareness creates choice — and that choice shapes the emotional environment our children grow up in.

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It has been cooler here in the last week, the leaves are starting to change and college season and the start of school is upon us!

Every year at this time you hear all about the thoughts, hopes, expectations and fears of parents when it comes to their kids starting off the school year after a long summer.

What has been standing out to us these past few years is how there seems to be a shift in what parents worry about.

There now is a lot more talk a lot about “life skills” for teens—how to make a doctor’s appointment, advocate with a teacher, budget, do laundry, resolve a conflict, recover from a setback.

The academic side, the scholarship worries, are there as well, but parents seem to be more and more concerned about their children’s ability to navigate on their own.

And schools and experts are picking up on this - with many colleges now offering workshops in “life skills” for their freshmen and coaches and therapists starting to offer “solutions” for the teens and young adults needing support to be more independent.

That got us thinking - and if we’re honest, what we see is that the gap often starts on our side of the equation. Most of us were never taught the parent skills required to step back, tolerate our child’s discomfort, and coach from the sidelines instead of running onto the field.

If you want to find what works for you, are looking for a great way to learn, share and grow - join us for our signature course MISSION I'M POSSIBLE - we are starting in October! Check the website for dates and to register.