Sometimes the best thing you can do for your teenager is nothing!

When Should You Step In With Your Teen and When Should You Step Back?

Your teenager is upset. They're angry. They're shutting you out. They're struggling with something and your first instinct is to FIX IT.

But what if they don't actually need you to fix it?

In this episode, we're talking about one of the hardest bits of parenting teenagers: knowing when to step in, when to step back, and when to accept that there isn't actually anything you need to fix.

Because sometimes your teenager genuinely is overwhelmed and exhausted.

And sometimes they're also being a bit of an arse.

Both can be true.

We'll talk about why there's no magic question that will make your teenager suddenly open up, why giving them space doesn't mean abandoning them, why empathy doesn't mean becoming a doormat, and why letting the odd thing go doesn't mean you've created a lifelong precedent.

Most importantly, we'll look at the difference between understanding your teenager's behaviour and excusing it.

If you've ever stood outside your teenager's bedroom wondering, "What the hell am I supposed to do here?", this one's for you.

And if you enjoy it, follow the podcast and tell me what you're struggling with at home. Your questions and ideas help me decide what to talk about next.

Next episode: What To Do When You Get Parenting Your Teen Wrong.

Because spoiler alert...

you will.

And that's not the disaster you think it is.

3 Things Every Parent Needs to Know When Your Teen Struggles to Go to School

It’s 7.45am.

The school bus is coming.

Your teenager is still in bed, the uniform is untouched and suddenly they’re telling you:

“I’m not going.”

Your heart starts racing.

What do you do?

Do you push harder?

Let them stay home?

Threaten consequences?

Call the school?

And what happens if this happens again tomorrow?

This is the moment when parenting a teenager can feel really, really hard.

In this final episode of my Back-to-School Survival Guide, we’re talking about school and what you can actually do when your teenager is too overwhelmed to get through the school gates.

We’ll look at:

How to stop the morning becoming a battle

How to work out what “I can’t go” actually means

How to work with school instead of trying to manage everything yourself

And we’ll also talk about what NOT to do when you're panicking, because I know how easy it is to say something in the heat of the moment that you wish you hadn't.

This isn't about letting your teenager avoid school.

It isn't about blaming parents.

And it isn't about pretending school doesn't matter.

It's about understanding what is happening underneath “I'm not going”, so you can respond in a way that actually helps.

If you've listened to Episodes 1 and 2, this brings the whole Back-to-School Survival Guide together.

And if this is something you're dealing with right now, I really hope it helps

Sometimes the week before school starts is more stressful for parents than it is for teenagers.

I know that because I did it myself.

My son was given a new tutor group, with none of his close friends in it. I immediately started worrying about how he'd cope.

I offered to contact school.

He said no.

I asked again.

"It's fine."

That word again!

I spent the week trying to work out how to make it better for him, only to discover that he'd already thought it through and had decided he could cope.

I'd completely missed something important.

Sometimes our teenager's anxiety isn't the only anxiety in the room.

In this episode, we're looking at what you can actually DO when your teenager is worried about going back to school, particularly when the worry is social.

We'll talk about how to work out what they're really worried about, why jumping in to fix things can sometimes make anxiety worse, and how showing your teenager that you trust them can actually help build their confidence.

Because teenagers don't need everything to be perfect.

They need to know that we believe they can handle things that aren't.

And sometimes the most helpful question we can ask ourselves is:

"Is this my teenager's problem, or is it mine?"

This is Part 2 of my Back-to-School Survival Guide.

If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, go back and listen to 3 Things Every Parent Needs to Know BEFORE Their Teen Goes Back to School first.

And next time, we're tackling the moment every parent dreads...

"I'm not going to school."

If you've got a question, a parenting situation you'd like me to talk about, or simply want to tell me what happened in your house, I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks for listening.