This week on the porch we're smoking Untitled Ice Cream Cake — an indica that promised to have us falling deeper and deeper into a couch-locked state of sedation, and delivered on every word. We read the description out loud and still said yes. We have no regrets.

We open on the week from hell: a birthday party that turned into a family confrontation in front of the entire yard, a freshly high Amanda standing her ground while her knees buckled, and a dad who scaled a garage wall with pots and pans and was having the time of his life doing it. Also: someone walked into that party with such an attitude that the dog immediately bit at her ankles. Otto knew.

Then things get lighter. Hailey takes Jax to the beach, carries him half a mile through sand that felt like lava, and arrives at the full realization that the beach with a toddler is not a vacation, it's a sport. Jax hears Missy Elliott for the first time and announces it's his favorite song. And five-year-old Ava, trying to be the most helpful child in the world, brings Hailey a can of Nowadays THC cocktail instead of a Diet Dr. Pepper because she thought it was Mommy's soda too.

She wasn't wrong. Just early.

Pull up a chair. 🍃

Episode 10. Double digits. We're smoking Granddaddy Purple — allegedly the grandfather of all weed strains — and it took approximately two hits for us to fully endorse that claim.

Before we get there, Amanda went to the casino womped and came back with two stories: one involving a flash mob of nine-foot-tall strangers, and one involving a Backstreet Boys song, a casino bathroom, and a desperate attempt to remember one single detail before she had to put her phone away. She remembered it. Barely.

Then we hear about how Hailey's mom broke her foot on Father's Day, what started as "probably just a sprain" turned into surgery, a canceled trip to Paris, and a week that required a lot of THC (for Hailey) to get through.

Also: the clouds on Father's Day were not moving and we have video evidence. The Warheads watermelon flavor tastes like shampoo. The algorithm brought back the crabs. And somewhere in the middle of it all we land on the most important thing — the porch was always meant to be.

If Granddaddy Purple is the grandfather of all weed strains, you already know who the grandmother is. She's in everything. She's always been in everything.

Pull up a chair. 🌿

This week on the porch we're smoking Super Boof — Leafly Strain of the Year 2024, which we absolutely did not know until right now — and processing a week that had absolutely no chill.

Both sets of girls had their last day of school. Hailey cried six times. She did the secret handshake at the kindergarten door one last time and did not hold it together. The teachers noticed.

Then we get into the mom friend thing — the real version. The pressure to make friends at school pickup, the feeling of being excluded that apparently doesn't stop when you turn 40, and the story of how Amanda spent an entire first year of kindergarten mom dinners drinking water while everyone else had cocktails because she had just gotten inseminated that afternoon and couldn't say so. The room absolutely clocked her as not their brand. She has spent two years making up for it.

Also: Hailey's number one parenting hack involves telling her kids their tongues turn purple when they lie. It works. She's passed it on to other families. We have thoughts. Plus Foodie Field Trip Fridays are officially in the calendar, 60 people showed up to movie night and somehow that felt normal, and we rank who makes the cut for the next one.

We're doing it for the plot. Come be part of the conversation.

Pull up a chair. 🌿