Dating after 30 is a CRIME SCENE—and apparently both men and women have some explaining to do. This week, Alyssa is joined by her good friend Jessica Galpin to put the biggest dating crimes on trial and talk about all the shit nobody warns you about when you’re single in your 30s.

We’re talking breadcrumbing, the classic “I’m just a bad texter” excuse, bad sex, questionable bedroom behavior, mixed signals, and whether some of the self-proclaimed “good guys” are actually the biggest criminals of them all.

But the real crime? Some of our dating standards might be completely DELUSIONAL. Men and women both have endless lists of what their perfect partner needs to look like, earn, do, say and bring to the table—but are we actually bringing enough to our own table to demand all of it? We debate unrealistic dating standards, being too picky, physical attraction, height preferences and why we’re officially giving “short kings” a brand-new name.

And no, the answer isn’t to just settle.

We get into the difference between having healthy standards and eliminating perfectly good people over superficial preferences, what actually matters in a long-term relationship, when you should give someone a chance, and when lowering your standards is absolutely NOT the answer.

If you’re dating after 30, dealing with dating apps, breadcrumbing, bad texters, bad sex, situationships, unrealistic expectations, dating red flags or wondering whether you’re being too picky—or simply refusing to settle—this episode is for you.

Dating Court is officially in session. And honestly? Some of you are going straight to jail.

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You blocked them. You cried. You told all your friends you were DONE. You gave a TED Talk about how toxic they are. And then… somehow you're back in their house. WHY?!

This week, Alyssa sits down with John Jacobs (@maybachdiamonds) to talk about why we keep going back to toxic exes, why toxic relationships can feel so addictive, and—most importantly—how the hell you actually break the cycle and move on.

John is currently experiencing his own “I know this is toxic but apparently I hate peace” era, so we're breaking it down in real time. Why are we addicted to certain people? What triggers us to go back? Why does a healthy relationship sometimes feel boring after chaos? And how do you learn to be alone without immediately downloading a dating app or texting the person you've already blocked 14 times? Why do they always rage text you and why do we get sucked in!?

Alyssa also shares how she spent two years stuck in the on-again, off-again toxic relationship cycle, what kept pulling her back, and what finally made her realize she had to get out for good. We also get into the much heavier reality of dating someone with addiction—when supporting someone turns into enabling them, how easy it is to lose yourself in someone else's problems, and why love alone can't fix another person.

We talk toxic exes, trauma bonds, codependency, relationship addiction, breakup anxiety, dating someone with addiction, boundaries, triggers, getting over an ex, learning to be alone, dating after a toxic relationship, and how to finally stop going back.

And don't worry, this is not an hour of us pretending we've reached enlightenment. We also determine that we're both lunatics, John desperately needs a hobby, therapy should probably be purchased in bulk, and sometimes the strongest boundary is simply DO. NOT. TEXT. THEM.

If you've ever Googled “Why do I keep going back to my ex?” “Why can't I get over my toxic ex?” “How do I break a trauma bond?” “How do I leave a toxic relationship?” or “How do I stop missing someone who was terrible for me?” — welcome. You've found your people.

Because missing them doesn't mean you should text them. And being lonely is still significantly cheaper than another year of therapy.

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After planning 200+ weddings, Alyssa has learned one very important thing: you can fake a lot of s*** in a relationship, but wedding planning will expose you FAST.

In this solo episode of MissJudged, Alyssa is taking 16+ years of behind-the-scenes wedding chaos and turning it into the relationship advice nobody asked for—but honestly, everyone dating, engaged, or married probably needs. Want to know who you're actually marrying? Watch how they act when the budget goes up, the seating chart goes to hell, their mother starts making demands, and the bartender tells them the bar is closed. Also learn the recipe for a marriage that will LAST.

Alyssa breaks down what 200+ couples have taught her about love, marriage, money, family boundaries, and relationship red flags—including why the way your partner treats waiters, bartenders, planners, and other service workers tells you EVERYTHING, how they handle problems when shit inevitably goes wrong, and why wedding planning should feel like a team sport instead of one person getting a second unpaid job.

We're talking about money in relationships, spending habits and compatibility, dealing with difficult parents and in-laws, setting boundaries with family before marriage, and handling stress without becoming an absolute psychopath.

Whether you're single, dating, engaged, wedding planning, or married, consider this your unofficial relationship compatibility test from someone who's had a front-row seat to 200+ couples on one of the most stressful days of their lives. Because the real question isn't whether your partner looks good in a tux—it's whether you still want to marry them after planning Table 14 on your layout.

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