Marriage & Ministry: When "Doing Good" Hurts Your Family

In this insightful episode of the RelationStitch podcast, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Clyde Fraley addresses a sensitive but critical topic: Church Burnout and Religious Trauma.

With recent headlines shaking the faith community, Clyde dives into a common struggle for many couples: the tension between serving the church and protecting the marriage.

Watch the full video here: https://youtu.be/fzUOR4QcegU?si=4qaIU42LS7Fwv8bo

The Trap of Over-Serving

Clyde responds to a viewer who feels that serving in church is actually driving their family apart. He identifies a dangerous cycle where "Kingdom work" is used to justify neglecting the home.

• The Priority Shift: Clyde is clear: God → Family → Church. If you are sacrificing your marriage or your children on the altar of ministry, the priorities are out of order [03:56].
• The 20/80 Rule: In many churches, 20% of the people do 100% of the work. This leads to burnout, where faithful volunteers are "taxed" until they resent the very place that should bring them peace [04:02].

Gifts vs. Fruit

A key distinction Clyde makes is between spiritual gifts (charisma, preaching, miracles) and spiritual fruit (love, patience, kindness).

• Warning Signs: A pastor or leader may have dynamic gifts but lack the fruit of the Spirit behind the scenes. If the leadership style is harsh, demanding, or manipulative (e.g., "If you leave, you lose your covering"), it may be time to reassess your involvement [08:00].
• Trading Fruit: Clyde warns churches against "trading fruit for fruit"—burning out current members to win new converts, resulting in a net zero for the Kingdom [06:51].

True Kingdom Work

The episode concludes with a powerful redefinition of what it means to serve God. It isn't just about how many hours you volunteer.

• Breaking Curses: Clyde argues that simply being a present, loving father and husband who breaks the generational cycle of divorce or dysfunction is, in itself, profound Kingdom work [21:02].
• Legacy: "If you do nothing else... but treat your family right... you're crushing it." Building a healthy legacy is the most enduring ministry of all.

Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D

For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com