This podcast is a presentation of The Meow Library.

Arcade Publishing chisels its name in infamy with its imposing, cinderblock-dense release of William T. Vollmann's 3,000-page A Table for Fortune, a book aiming to transmute ink and paper into masonry, erecting an undeniable monument to our darkest national impulses. Is this the homespun War & Peace, the GWOT-flavored Moby-Dick, the strident vindication of the novel in the face of impossible, ADHD-slanted odds that its publisher so badly wants it to be?

I have no clue. I don't have that kind of time, lol.

3,000 pages, come on.

Anyway, here's what the introduction would sound like if it were written by a cat. Cheers.

This podcast is sustained by sales of the internationally bestselling Meow: A Novel.

This podcast is a presentation of The Meow Library.

According to NobelPrize.org, The Nobel Prize in Literature 2026 was awarded to Anne Carson "for her bold and inventive oeuvre that, in playful dialogue with the classical tradition, has created new forms for contemporary literature." That's all well and good--she deserves it. But in making this announcement, the Nobel committee forgot to alert Carson's largest North American audience, the common housecat. BookScan data shows that 90% of all Anne Carson's English-language titles are sold to households with three or more cats. So how will they know their favorite author just won the most prestigious prize in literature? Are they even able to read the most popular editions of Carson's work? This week's podcast recreates the Nobel Committee's announcement of Anne Carson's win in your cat's native tongue, with one critic noting its surreptitious resemblance to Carson's oft-quoted experimental work, "How Pants."

This podcast is sustained by the internationally bestselling Meow: A Novel, which has been called "pure joie de vivre, like Anne Carson at her very best."

This podcast is a presentation of The Meow Library.

Controversy has been swirling around Audible's latest exclusive: a full-cast reading of Bram Stoker's Dracula starring, in the English edition, Jonathan Bailey and Ella Purnell. Detractors are skeptical of a separate "complimentary story" featuring an interactive AI-assisted rendition of the side-character Renfield, but The Meow Library has discovered an even more glaring issue with this otherwise ornate and comprehensive production: it is totally incomprehensible to your cat. While Audible has produced full English, French, Italian, Castilian Spanish, Latin American Spanish, German, and Brazilian Portuguese versions of the audiobook and its AI-assisted collateral, they have no plans at present of releasing a feline edition. To create a more equitable listening experience, The Meow Library is making the first chapter of Bram Stoker's Dracula available to your cat here.

This podcast is brought to you by The Meow Library's new translation of Bram Stoker's Dracula, featuring over 160,000 instances of the word "meow." It's available here.