Do our kids know we love them… but still not always feel it?

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David take on one of the most sensitive (and real) parenting questions: a parent can be full of love — and a child can still experience “You don’t love me.” How does that happen?

Building off last week’s foundation (that a parent’s love can’t be “perfect” in the way we wish it could be), we explore:

• Why a child’s inner world often works in all-or-nothing terms (“If it’s not 100%, it’s nothing”)
• How “You hate me” is rarely about facts — and almost always about experience
• The Chassidic idea that inside a “sheker” there can be a spark of truth to redeem (instead of reacting defensively)
• Why the first move isn’t “fix it” — it’s finding the shoresh (where the feeling is coming from)

And we end with a powerful next step for the series: the importance of verbal love — bituy miluli — especially for parents who struggle to express what they deeply feel.

A shiur about love, truth, and building a home where children can walk with a real “shield of love”, even when life gets messy.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com
Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

Chapters
00:00 Opening & Sponsorship Acknowledgements
01:26 Today’s Question: Do Children Feel Our Love?
04:39 Three Types of Parental Responses
05:51 Why Kids Don’t Always Experience Love
08:28 Validating Feelings vs Arguing Facts
09:32 What to Do When a Child Says “You Hate Me”
11:15 Find the Source Before Trying to Fix
15:24 The Assumption: The Feeling Isn’t “Factually True”
17:42 The Spark of Truth Inside a Child’s “Sheker”
22:30 Where Real Insight Comes From
23:35 End-of-Life Regrets: Work vs Home
24:45 The Pride of Providing — and What Kids Still Need
26:16 Obligation vs Love (and how kids read it)
28:01 If Love Were “Perfect,” Kids Would Feel It Naturally
33:31 The Weak Spot: Where Kids Find “Proof” You Don’t Love Them
36:47 The “Love Funnel” and Why Leaks Change Everything
43:38 Next Week: The Power of Verbal Love
44:41 Personal Story: A Home of Tears & Expression
45:59 The Airport Handshake Moment
47:12 Why That Handshake Stayed for 20+ Years
48:34 Closing + Hope for the Week

In parenting, we want to believe our love is perfect — automatic, limitless, and always putting our child first. But real life has a way of testing that fantasy.

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David unpack a surprisingly relieving truth: a parent can genuinely love their child… and still have moments where their own needs collide with the child’s needs. Sometimes it’s obvious (work, exhaustion, basic functioning). Sometimes it’s subtler (wanting quiet when your child needs connection, wanting “my plan” when your child needs “me”).

With honesty, humor, and a lot of compassion, we explore:

• Why this tension is normal and why denying it makes us less self-aware
• The difference between a true need vs. laziness/ta’avah
• How “timing” and communication can become a real avodah
• Why kids experience reality differently (and how that changes everything)

This isn’t a guilt shiur. It’s a clarity shiur — the kind that helps you become more present, more balanced, and more loving in the moments that actually matter.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

Chapters
00:00 Opening and Introducing the Shiur Topic
01:05 Natural Parental Love at Birth
04:07 Striving for the Perfect Parent
13:26 Question of Absolute Unconditional Love
18:08 Recognizing Unconscious Preference
21:13 “My Need vs My Child’s Need” Examples
25:44 The “One Candy Left” Test
28:31 Alone Time, Date Night, and the Child’s Experience
33:16 Sleep Training as a Case Study
35:49 The Pillow at 2:00am: Need or Laziness?
37:54 A Parent Has Needs Too
40:12 Needs vs. Laziness/Ta’avah (The Real Birur)
42:52 The Oxygen Mask Analogy
44:40 Timing as a Tool for Discernment
46:25 Communication: Helping Kids Understand Reality
48:05 Love Isn’t Free of Personal Motives
50:58 Generational Shift in Mom Self-Care
52:15 Father’s Old-School Wisdom and Child Fear

In this new perek of Da Es Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David go straight at a question that sounds “too obvious” to even ask: why do parents need to love their children? And then they flip it. Because love isn’t just a feeling; it’s the soul’s nourishment.

From there, they go even deeper: love isn’t only what keeps a child emotionally alive. It’s the “pipeline” that makes chinuch possible. Without a vessel of love, guidance and discipline don’t land. They spill.

With a powerful mashal (Kinneret water needs a pipe) and a sharp Torah from the Mishkan (Moshe vs. Betzalel: build the structure before the tools), this shiur reframes parenting: don’t start with tactics. Start by building the home’s foundation of love, so everything else actually reaches your child.
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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t