It’s Not Your Fault: Gaslighting, Fragile Accountability, and Invisible Labor

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It’s Not Your Fault: Gaslighting, Fragile Accountability, and Invisible Labor

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Why do so many women leave conversations feeling confused, guilty, or like everything is somehow their fault? In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we dive into the subtle but corrosive relational patterns that show up in everyday work and home dynamics. The quiet processes that shift responsibility, distort accountability, and erode self-trust over time. We explore: DARVO” a defensive pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) that flips accountability and turns the person raising concerns into the “problem”Gaslighting: not the buzzword, but the researched process that erodes trust in your own perceptions over time, especially in unequal power dynamicsFragile accountability: when feedback is experienced as attack, reasonable expectations feel persecutory, and responsibility collapses under discomfortInvisible labor: the mental, emotional, and logistical work women disproportionately carry, and how it fuels the “nagging” trap This episode explains why these dynamics feel so disorienting, how they thrive in gendered systems, and what changes when we finally name them clearly. If you’ve ever wondered: Why you’re always apologizingWhy accountability conversations go nowhereWhy you feel responsible without having real authority This episode offers language, clarity, and release from misplaced guilt. Key takeaway: You’re not imagining it. These are known patterns. Naming them doesn’t make you difficult, it makes you awake. And clarity is where advancing begins. Advancing Women Podcast previous episodes referenced in this episode: Emotional Labor: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/emotional-labor/id1569849100?i=1000531515098 The 4 Ps Advancement Model: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-4ps-advancement-model/id1569849100?i=1000525495125 For more on the 4 Ps Advancement Model: https://advancingwomenpodcast.com/4ps-advancement-model-problem-patterns-process-proficiency/ Let’s Connect: · Instagram: @AdvancingWomenPodcast https://www.instagram.com/advancingwomenpodcast/?hl=en · Facebook: Advancing Women Podcast https://www.facebook.com/advancingwomenpodcast/ · LinkedIn: Dr. Kimberly DeSimone https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-desimone-phd-mba-ba00b88/

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