What happens the moment you realize you've failed God after being so sure you wouldn’t?

When you thought you were stronger.

Further along.

And more disciplined.

When you believed that if the pressure ever came, you would choose God with no hesitation—and then the pressure came.

And you found out there were still places in you that could be shaken.

Still places that were afraid.

Still places that wanted control.

I’ve been thinking about how strange it is to spend so much time trying to become the kind of Christian who never falls… only to discover that beneath all that striving is a person who desperately needs grace.

Somewhere along the way, prayer became performance.

Obedience became proof.

Faith became something I felt I had to demonstrate.

And I started wondering…

What if God was never asking me to prove that I was worthy of His love?

What if I was trying to earn something that had already been given?

In this first entry of While It Is Called Today, I’m sitting with the raw reality of failure, shame, Christian perfectionism, surrender, and the uncomfortable realization that sometimes we can become so concerned with getting everything right that we forget why we needed a Savior in the first place.

And I don’t have a neat answer for this moment of realization.

I’m still in it.

Still learning what surrender looks like when I don’t understand what God is doing.

Still learning what grace means when I’m disappointed in myself.

Still learning how to come back without first trying to make myself worthy of receiving God's grace.

📖 Scripture: Romans 8:1

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🎙️ While It Is Called Today

A raw audio journal of what it actually looks like to walk with God while the story is still being written.

If this entry hit home for you, share this episode with someone who may be quietly wrestling with the same questions.

I’m still in the middle of the story. And perhaps that is enough for today. 🤍

What if you stopped waiting for the story to make sense before you started telling the truth?

While It Is Called Today is a raw, unfiltered audio journal of what it looks like to walk with God while the story is still being written.

Inspired by Ecclesiastes, this podcast explores the questions we don't always know what to do with—grief, disappointment, waiting, unanswered prayers, striving, loss, and the tension between faith and what life actually feels like.

This is not the testimony after the breakthrough. It’s the journey while we’re still in it.

No performance. No pretending. Just an honest walk with God in the middle.