Wanting a healthy relationship and feeling drawn to one are not always the same thing.

Someone is kind, consistent and emotionally available, yet you feel no spark. Someone else keeps you guessing, and you can’t stop thinking about them. Even when you recognize that a relationship is hurting you, the pull doesn’t necessarily disappear.

Psychotherapist Terri Cole has spent nearly 30 years helping people break destructive relationship patterns. But she also knows this confusion from the inside. For years, she pursued emotionally unavailable men while dismissing a man whose kindness and stability seemed better suited to someone else.

To understand why this happens (and what it takes to change it), we follow five clues:

• Why healthy men can feel boring • What slot machines reveal about why toxic relationships are so hard to leave • What a Father’s Day card exposed about Terri’s earliest experience of love • The 19-page letter to her father—and whether healing requires an apology • Why the man she had overlooked for years suddenly became attractive to her

This conversation goes beyond recognizing red flags. It follows how childhood experiences can shape attraction, what we tolerate in relationships, and why understanding a pattern is not always enough to stop repeating it.

Together, those clues lead to a much bigger question:

What has to change for the love you want to become the love you’re drawn to?

CHAPTERS: 0:00 - Intro 1:20 - Not My Type (Clue 1) 19:35 - The Toxic Love Trap (Clue 2) 44:59 - The Father Wound (Clue 3) 1:02:05 - Healing Without An Apology (Clue 4) 1:25:31 - The Right Kind of Chemistry (Clue 5) 1:42:57 - Putting the Clues Together

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Terri Cole Links: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terricole/ Father Wound (Book): https://link.amazon/B0dAWhiZb

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