he said "right now." he never meant later. | cuffed episode no. 49 copertina

he said "right now." he never meant later. | cuffed episode no. 49

he said "right now." he never meant later. | cuffed episode no. 49

Ascolta gratuitamente

Vedi i dettagli del titolo

Offerte di stagione | 0,99 €/mese per i primi 3 mesi

A seguire 9,99 €/mese – si applicano condizioni. Puoi disdire mensilmente.
how do you enforce a boundary without making the other person angry? you don’t. their reaction was never yours to manage. this episode breaks down why people get angry when access changes, what a boundary test looks like inside family and exes, and the quiet moment where a man chooses honesty over a convenient ambiguity he used to rely on.episode overview:two musings. one about boundaries, one about the lie you can tell with two missing words.m.147 asks the question people keep typing into search: how do you hold a boundary without making someone angry. the answer is that you don’t carry their reaction. m.148 is the steamier one, a friends with benefits conversation where the ambiguity was available and author didn’t use it.different topics. same spine: you are responsible for what you say and what you mean, not for how it lands on someone who was used to access.quick hits:— cuffed has passed 9,100 total podcast downloads across the public show and red room.— missed episode no. 48? “you’re not bad in bed. you’re bad at being told.” pairs m.145 with special edition no. 3: being a good lover, then the lived experience.— this episode’s paid companion reads: red room no. 85 on boundaries and no. 86 on the cracked door.community update:to everyone listening, reading, and sending these pieces to someone: thank you. use cuffed as the third object in the room. send the piece. listen together. let it open the conversation you’ve been struggling to start.book/series news:four architecture series are complete: control, trust, self, and intimacy. three more are planned for 2027: desire, conflict, and a third focused on manhood, with its final title still being developed. the architecture of desire is planned to begin in mid-january. like the earlier series, it will open with a blueprint and close with an integration piece.musings recap:m.147: they got angry. the boundary held. the boundary isn’t the problem. the change in access is. you can’t manage another person’s reaction, and you aren’t supposed to.m.148: friends with benefits. we want each other. we didn’t do it. the difference between “i’m not looking for a relationship” and “i’m not looking for a relationship right now.” two words, and the hope they manufacture.deep dive:access, not the boundary. when someone gets angry at a boundary, the boundary is rarely the issue. they’re losing access, and they’re facing what the relationship looks like with that access changed. for a lot of people that’s frightening.their reaction is information. name calling, “that’s stupid,” “that’s unnecessary” all tell you about the person reacting. it doesn’t tell you the boundary was wrong.the doubt is part of the pattern. when you hold a boundary you’ll question whether you’re being mean. that questioning is often what the other person wants. you can feel it and still not give in.boundaries as care. “i want you in my life, and this boundary is how that happens. if you don’t respect the boundary, you’re not respecting the relationship.” talk about your feelings, use i statements, stay away from direct blame.the two-word lie. “right now” keeps a door cracked just enough to hang hope on. author used to count on that ambiguity. this time he said it clean, and the friendship survived.congruence. doing the work publicly is easy. the test is whether what you say and what you do match when it matters most.coming up next:in development for saturday, october 24: red room special edition no. 5. the working thesis: “sometimes silence is cowardice dressed up as kindness.” a return to a conversation i handled badly, what i can finally hear in it, and the responsibility that remains when an apology doesn’t lead to another conversation.transcript:follow this show wherever you’re listening.if something here stays with you, send it to someone you can have the conversation with.two musings, 20 minutes.let’s get into it.we have musings 147 and 148 today. these seem wildly different from each other, but they’re very related.musing 147 is titled “they got angry. the boundary held.” it’s within the show notes. go down there, click it, and go read it. it’s even easier if you subscribe for free at cuffedmedia.com. then you get everything in your inbox.this musing is literally about boundaries. we see a lot of people arriving at cuffedmedia.com searching for an answer to a very simple question: how do you enforce a boundary without making the other person angry?when this question first came up, i actually started to think about a way to implement a boundary without upsetting someone. i did this for probably a couple of minutes, and then i came to the realization: we’re not fucking responsible for managing another person’s reaction to a boundary. that’s not our job. that does not fall on us. that is the other person’s decision. how they react to it has nothing to do with us.but here’s the hard ...
adbl_web_anon_alc_button_suppression_t1
Ancora nessuna recensione