"Just for Attention"? Why This Assumption Hurts Autistic & ADHD Kids and How to Help

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"Just for Attention"? Why This Assumption Hurts Autistic & ADHD Kids and How to Help

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"Just for Attention"? Why This Assumption Hurts Autistic & ADHD Kids and How to Help "How can they expect me to stay invisible? It's not like I can just stop existing." An autistic ADHD boy said those words to me in my office. After decades of working with children and teens, it's still one of the most heartbreaking moments I've experienced. He wanted friends. He wanted to be included. He wanted someone to notice him. But his classmates called him annoying. And adults told other children to ignore him because he was "just doing it for attention." What if the behavior we're calling attention-seeking is actually a child desperately trying to connect? And what happens to an autistic or ADHD child's self-esteem and mental health when their attempts to connect are repeatedly misunderstood, criticized, or ignored? In this episode of The Autism ADHD Podcast, I'm challenging one of the most common assumptions adults make about children's behavior—and sharing why it can be especially harmful to autistic and ADHD kids and teens. I'm also sharing something personal: I've made this assumption myself. This isn't about blaming parents, teachers, or therapists. It's about recognizing how easily we can misunderstand what a child is communicating—and learning how to respond differently. In this episode, you'll learn: Attention-seeking vs. connection-seeking: Why a child's behavior may reflect a need for belonging, friendship, or support.The hidden impact of "just ignore them": How this common advice can contribute to social rejection, loneliness, and shame.Autism, ADHD, and self-esteem: How repeated criticism and being labeled "annoying" or "too much" can affect a neurodivergent child's sense of self.Why social skills need to go both ways: How parents, therapists, and educators can help all children better understand different ways of communicating and connecting.The importance of finding their people: Why shared interests can create meaningful opportunities for friendships and belonging.Healthy boundaries without rejection: How to teach children to communicate their needs while still treating others with respect.Five practical strategies: What to do instead of immediately labeling a child attention-seeking or telling others to ignore them. One important perspective shift Instead of asking: "How do we stop this attention-seeking behavior?" What if we asked: "What might this child need, and how can we help?" That small shift can open the door to understanding, collaboration, and more meaningful support. Because attention isn't a problem. Attention is a need. And no child should have to choose between being invisible and being annoying. Whether you're a parent of an autistic or ADHD child, a therapist, counselor, psychologist, educator, or another professional supporting neurodivergent children and teens, I hope this episode encourages you to look beyond assumptions and become curious about the child in front of you. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with a parent, teacher, therapist, or someone else who supports autistic and ADHD kids. These conversations matter, and we can help change how we understand and support children. For therapists, counselors, and psychologists Want to strengthen your neurodiversity-affirming clinical practice? I've created continuing education trainings specifically for mental health professionals who want practical strategies for supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens. Explore my continuing education trainings DOES YOUR CHILD OR CLIENT NEED HELP AT SCHOOL? You'll love the 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide! The guide includes practical, neurodiversity-affirming supports for executive functioning,academics,sensory needs,emotional regulation,social support,self-advocacy, and more, with examples of each accommodation.PLUS - 3 student examples Parents, click here for the Guide Therapists, click here for the Guide JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUPS Parents click here Therapists click here Learn about my private practice - North Carolina Center for Autism and ADHD 🙋🏻‍♀️ Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube ❤️ If this episode helped you, please follow The Autism ADHD Podcast, share this episode, and leave a five-star review. Your support helps me continue creating free neurodiversity-affirming resources for parents and professionals. About The Autism ADHD Podcast Hosted by Holly Blanc Moses, a neurodivergent therapist, psychologist, mom, and speaker, The Autism ADHD Podcast offers neurodiversity-affirming information and practical strategies for parents, therapists, educators, and other professionals supporting autistic and ADHD children and teens. We explore autism, ADHD, emotional regulation, anxiety, mental health, executive functioning, sensory differences, friendships, social interaction, school support, and more. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized medical or ...

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