You're the grown-up now.

You're the one raising the children, making the decisions, filling out the forms, scheduling the appointments and somehow being expected to know where everybody's missing shoes are.

But becoming the grown-up doesn't necessarily mean you stop needing one.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I'm reflecting on one of the quieter realities of motherhood after losing your mother: being the person your children look to for answers while still wishing you could turn around and ask your own mother, What do you think?

My mother had her mother for most of her adult life. I don't have that anymore.

But I've also discovered that family hierarchies are funny things—especially when you have aunties who aren't entirely convinced you're grown.

This week, one of mine decided I'd been home long enough and needed a job. She found one she thought I should apply for, sent me the email address for my résumé...and then called to tell me to apply.

No consultation required.

Very much something my mother would have done. 😂

And somewhere in that wildly unsolicited career management was a reminder: we can be somebody's grown-up and still miss our own.

In this episode:

• What it feels like to become the grown-up after losing your mother
• Why our children may mistake our decision-making for certainty
• Missing the person you still want to ask, “What would you do?”
• The aunties and older women who remind us we're still somebody's daughter
• Why being capable doesn't mean we stop needing care
• Faith, uncertainty and learning where to take the questions

Maybe being the grown-up isn't the same thing as no longer needing one.

And maybe our mothers didn't have everything figured out either. Maybe they simply loved us enough to keep figuring it out.

If this episode made you think of another motherless mother, send it to her.

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The Motherless Mother — Because motherhood makes you miss your mother in new ways.

You are still her daughter.