My Dad Never Said He Was Proud of Me. I Spent My Life Chasing It. copertina

My Dad Never Said He Was Proud of Me. I Spent My Life Chasing It.

My Dad Never Said He Was Proud of Me. I Spent My Life Chasing It.

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How do you grieve a father you loved, resented, and barely knew?For Ali, grief after losing his dad didn't look like sadness at first. It looked like anger, numbness, ambition, and a 15-year refusal to visit his father's grave.Ali spent much of his life wanting his dad to say four words:"I'm proud of you."He never did.In this episode of Dead Dads, Ali talks about losing his father after a complicated father-son relationship shaped by absence, addiction, resentment, and the search for parental approval.🎧 In this episode, you'll hear about:Grieving a complicated relationship with your fatherWhy grief can show up as anger or numbness instead of sadnessThe impact of addiction on a father-son relationshipChasing achievement because you want a parent's approvalGrieving the father you wanted, not just the father you hadWhy becoming a dad can change how you understand your own fatherLetting go of resentment without pretending the past didn't happenWhat can happen when buried grief finally gets some roomWhen his father was dying, Ali held his hand, said goodbye, and left the hospital.A few hours later, his dad died.Ali felt mostly numb.Then he avoided his father's grave for 15 years.Years later, during a silent meditation retreat, a poem about someone else's dad cracked something open. Ali left the room, walked into the forest, held onto a tree and cried for ten minutes.He realized he wasn't only grieving his father's death.He was grieving the relationship they never had.And he was still trying to earn the approval he'd wanted since he was a kid.This is a conversation about father loss, men's grief, absent fathers, addiction, resentment, parental approval, forgiveness, and what happens when you finally deal with grief you've spent years avoiding.👨 Meet Ali BAli grew up in Iran before coming to Canada.His own father had been abandoned by his dad at 11 and was forced to help support his family while still a child.As a teenager, Ali reconnected with his father while working with him and his brother in Nevada. Addiction made an already difficult relationship harder.Ali eventually returned to Canada, threw himself into school, and built a successful career in dentistry and surgery.But his relationship with his dad stayed with him.Years after his father's death, Ali finally started looking at the anger, grief, and need for approval underneath it.⏱️ Episode chapters00:00:00 My dad never said he was proud of me00:01:27 Why Ali wanted to tell this story00:02:14 Growing up with an absent father00:04:45 Escaping Iran and coming to Canada00:06:45 Reconnecting with his dad00:07:45 Addiction changes everything00:09:45 Years of resentment00:11:55 Watching his father die00:13:35 Why Ali felt numb00:14:20 Avoiding his dad's grave for 15 years00:15:15 The meditation retreat that broke something open00:16:40 Finally grieving his father00:17:05 Chasing his father's approval00:18:10 Why men avoid grief00:19:30 He couldn't find his father's grave00:20:20 Discovering his dad had no gravestone00:21:05 Letting go of the anger00:22:00 Why talking about his dad was terrifying00:23:20 Becoming a dad changed his perspective00:24:15 The person anger was actually hurting00:26:10 Can success fill the hole left by grief?00:28:10 Grieving the father you never had00:29:00 "I never asked if he was proud of me"00:30:00 Finding compassion for a difficult father00:31:20 How grief changed Ali as a husband and dad00:33:35 Final thoughts🖤 About Dead DadsDead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad.Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies.No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.Just real conversations for guys who are grieving, remembering, avoiding, laughing, carrying on, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them.You're not alone.☕ Support Dead Dads:https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcastWebsite:https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/YouTube:/@deaddadspodcastInstagram:/deaddadspodcastTikTok:/dead.dads.podcastSubstack:https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcastNew episodes every week.Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions.https://jarpodcasts.com/
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